With Eyes Skyward
by Rosabell
Summary: AU Qui-Gon chose Obi-Wan as his padawan,but they were far from close.As Obi-Wan struggles with a sense of inferiority, a mysterious entity appears to give him the affection he needs,but may not have benign intentions.Can Qui-Gon save Obi-Wan,and himself?
1. To Yearn for Impossible Things

With Eyes Skyward

To Yearn for Impossible Things

His master was reading over something in the datapads, while Obi-Wan sat, watching him. The ship vibrated around them as the cooling systems rebooted, and Obi-Wan managed to tear his eyes away from his master to look at the walls. Bare and cold. He clenched his fingers and stifled a sigh.

It had been several weeks since Qui-Gon had taken Obi-Wan as his padawan. Part of him could not believe that this was real. When Qui-Gon had refused him, Obi-Wan felt crushed. He had such high hopes, from when he was much younger, his abilities highly regarded by his teachers, and his own expectations led him to perform above and beyond. When it seemed like all those bright hopes led only to the life of a farmer, Obi-Wan felt shattered. Part of him still did.

He often had dreams, of life outside the temple, abandoned, forsaken, the aspirations of the past dimmed and tarnished by the harsh present. He would wake and spend a long time recovering his bearings, trying to convince himself that he was a padawan now, and fight the fear that all of this was just a vision, an illusion. A heavy weight had settled on his chest, on his heart, and somehow refused to lift, even after so many weeks. He would try to breath and his chest would constrict like a vice clamped over his lungs.

His friends had noticed that Obi-Wan had gotten quieter ever since he returned to the Temple as Master Jinn's padawan. Master Yoda noted the same. Obi-Wan could not articulate why. In his heart, of course, he knew; he could never quite face the other padawans without feeling out of place. The Force pitied him, perhaps—his disappointment with himself had been all-consuming, and there were times when Obi-Wan had wondered if life was even worth living now—and when he was granted a second chance to become the Jedi he aimed to be, it still did not change the fact that he had not been good enough to be accepted the first time around. He felt like he cheated somehow, or was otherwise granted a gift he did not deserve. Perhaps Qui-Gon thought the same, for while the noble Jedi had accepted Obi-Wan as his padawan learner, he never seemed to accept Obi-Wan himself. Their relationship was uncomfortable, with Qui-Gon behaving professionally, only speaking to Obi-Wan on topics of missions or Obi-Wan's education. For Obi-Wan's part, he did not dare approach Qui-Gon unless his master approached him first. He was too aware of the great favor Qui-Gon did for him.

And so now, with Qui-Gon studying the details of their current mission, Obi-Wan was afraid to ask his master anything. He knew this should not be so, if only because as a youngling, he had seen how other padawans had eagerly questioned their own mentors about missions and events. They cracked jokes, occasionally poked fun, and their masters would smile and laugh and joke right back. Qui-Gon never smiled at Obi-Wan. And Obi-Wan never had the nerve to express his sense of humor. He wholeheartedly believed that, should he step out of line even a little, Qui-Gon would no longer want him.

Assuming that he truly does, even now.

Obi-Wan stifled another sigh. His master put down his datapad.

" Obi-Wan, this is actually much more delicate than I first assumed." His master began. " Two races are having disagreements about territories, both claiming cultural and historical rights. When we arrive, I want you to carefully study the process, and not get involved. I will handle all of the mediation."

" Yes, Master." Obi-Wan nodded, straining to please. His master rose from his chair.

" Territories are especially difficult to mediate when historical and cultural arguments are thrown in." Qui-Gon continued. " Neither party wants to compromise. We will therefore have to take this step by step. It will not be an easy matter."

An alarm beeped. They were about to leave hyperspace. Obi-Wan followed his master to the cockpit, where the two Jedi strapped themselves to the seats as the ship prepared to enter normal space. With a shudder, the stars streamlined into white, and before them was a green planet, lush with vegetation. Qui-Gon increased the shields so they could enter the atmosphere without burning the ship. They descended under the white clouds that covered the land. Obi-Wan watched as the white wisps passed by their ship.

The entire trip had been silent.

_" This is Elbatha Air Traffic Control. Please state your identity and purpose." _The comm transmitted in heavily-accented Basic.

" This is Qui-Gon Jinn from the Jedi Order." His master replied. " We were invited to Elbatha by King Darbath."

A burst of static followed this. _" Master Jedi, please maintain your altitude at this time. We will inform you when you can land."  
_

" Copy that, Air Traffic Control."

The comm fell silent. His master slowed the aircraft to a stop. Obi-Wan could see the small buildings below, woven between thick vegetation. There was apparently heavy air traffic at this moment, as dozens of ships were flying about around them, most of them descending to landing pads below. He wanted to remark on how inefficient the air traffic control was, but held his tongue. He was not comfortable enough with his master to be so free with him.

Presently, the comm came back to life, announcing that they can land. The King was below, waiting to greet them. He was a strange species, with doe-like eyes and bird-like feathers for hair. His body was faintly translucent and Obi-Wan could see his internal organs and skeletal structure. He was dressed in dark clothing that had a gel-like quality, though it was opaque. Upon seeing the two Jedi, he bowed his head in greeting.

" Welcome, noble Jedi." He said with the same kind of accent as the voice over the comm. " Your arrival brings much delight and relief to us."

Qui-Gon seemed unhappy with this. " Before we move on, Your Highness," He said to the King, " I wish to clarify one thing. We are not here to help one party defeat the other. Our goal is to settle the dispute without resorting to violence, and to make arrangements that are fair and just."

" Of course." Said the King. " It was not my intention to make such assumptions, Master Jedi. I, too, aim to maintain the peace, and that was my priority for calling you here. I have no expectation of favoritism or bias."

" Then we are delighted to help." Qui-Gon bowed then, prompting Obi-Wan to bow as well. When the King's dark eyes turned to Obi-Wan, his master continued, " I am Qui-Gon Jinn. This is my padawan learner, Obi-Wan Kenobi."

" A delight to meet you, Padawan Kenobi." The King said amiably to the boy. Obi-Wan, not sure how to reply to this, simply bowed again. This seemed an acceptable response, as his master made no comment, and neither did anyone else.

" Come, I am certain that your trip has tired you." The King said to Qui-Gon. " I have had rooms prepared for your convenience. In the morning, we will meet with the representatives of Valcria and will describe the situation."

" Thank you, Your Highness."

A servant stepped forward to show the two to their rooms. Qui-Gon went forward, with Obi-Wan following two steps behind. Qui-Gon used the walk to converse with the servant, asking more personal questions that would not reveal anything about what the Jedi came to do here. They arrived to their quarters, where Qui-Gon ordered Obi-Wan to go in and start unpacking while he continued to speak to their guide.

Obi-Wan took his master's bag and went inside obediently. The rooms were fairly spacious, and there were actually three bedrooms, not two, linked to a common area. He set the bags down and started unpacking. Some datapads, a map of the planet, a spare commlink, a water bottle, and some spare clothes. He laid the clothes on the couch, one pile for himself and one pile for his master. The datapads he kept in the bags themselves. The map, commlink, and water bottle he placed on the table.

His master came in.

" I have to read over some things first." He informed the boy. " Go shower and meditate for an hour, and go to bed." The tall man then walked to the desk and chair on the far side of the room, and used his telekinesis to lift the bag with the datapads to him. He turned on the lamp that was on the table.

" Yes Master." Obi-Wan rose. He was hungry, but he dared not voice it. Earlier, on the flight, Qui-Gon had mentioned that he did not feel up to eating, but asked if Obi-Wan was hungry. Obi-Wan had sheepishly said that he was fine, which Qui-Gon had accepted. The padawan now regretted that response, for now his hunger was almost painful.

_Would it be so hard?_ Obi-Wan reproached himself. Qui-Gon was stern, but he was not cruel, and it was not as if Obi-Wan was doing anything wrong by asking for a quick meal. He could even suggest that he go out himself to request food, if Qui-Gon was not up to eating, that way no one would bother his master. He looked at the older Jedi, whose back was now turned to him, and tried valiantly to summon the courage for such a simple plea.

His master seemed untouchable, immovable. Obi-Wan was afraid.

" Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon turned around, frowning at his padawan's lack of movement. " Is something wrong?"

" N-no, Master." Obi-Wan hurriedly bowed. " I will go shower."

Qui-Gon looked puzzled, but he nodded and instantly turned back to the datapads. Obi-Wan turned around and picked up his pile of clothes—his hunger was not important, after all. Plenty of people were able to survive without dinner. He started walking towards the bedrooms, but then stopped. He had wanted to put his clothes in his room, but was now faced with the awkward position of choosing the right one. Obi-Wan turned to his formidable master, the question pulling at his lips. _Which room do you want, Master?_ But the question seemed too stupid, too inane. He set his pile of clothes down without speaking. After he showered and meditated, maybe his master would then pick a room, and then Obi-Wan would just choose one of the remaining two.

In the refresher, Obi-Wan stared at himself in the mirror. He had the very beginnings of a padawan braid, such that he could not see it in the mirror. In his minds eye, however, he could picture it. He clenched his teeth and wondered if he will ever feel like he deserved it. The thought wearied him, and he found his motions, as he undressed, slow and tiring. In contrast, he showered quickly, before he even felt warmed by the water, and he went to the common room to find his master still bent over his datapads.

Obi-Wan settled in the far corner of the room and shut his eyes to meditate as his master had ordered. He opened himself to the Force. It swam about him eagerly, as usual. He tried to dispel anything that troubled him, but there was nothing to siphon off to the Force. There was just a vast emptiness inside him, numb and dark, but strangely calm.

_A Jedi must be calm and collected. _Obi-Wan thought. Though there was still a heaviness over his heart, he felt mellow. _No anger. No passion._

He let the numbness inside him grow. There was nothing—nothing in him and nothing around him. Dimly he saw images from his childhood, the classes with Yoda, the pride at being a Jedi Initiate, with such dear friends like Garen and Quinlan and Bant. What childish naivety had filled him back then, but those days were so joyous and carefree! He could barely believe that life had been his, once upon a time.

" Obi-Wan," His Master called, " It has been an hour. You may go to bed."

Obi-Wan stood, his legs aching from being in the same position for so long. His Master had turned halfway around, entering something on the datapad in his hand. Obi-Wan glanced at the three bedrooms. It did not seem like his Master had selected a room.

He had no choice. " Master?"

" Yes, Obi-Wan?" His master responded without looking up.

Obi-Wan felt completely idiotic. " Um…which bedroom will you be in?"

" Oh." His Master looked up and considered the three bedrooms. " They all look the same. How about you go to that one." He pointed at the room furthest from the door.

" Yes, Master." Obi-Wan bowed, before gathering his clothes to deposit them in the room. The intelligent part of him concluded that Qui-Gon chose this room for its safety, with it being furthest from any potential intruder. The self-doubting part wondered if Qui-Gon was trying to hide Obi-Wan away. Maybe it was a mix of both.

At least Qui-Gon did not seem upset about the stupid question, and Obi-Wan had his answer. He placed the clothes on a small chair in the room without turning the lights on and shut the door behind him, before crawling into bed. He stared with wide eyes into the darkness, wondering if he was dreaming right now.

After a while, he heard his master shower before withdrawing to the room right next to his. Obi-Wan's eyes remained open.

They stayed open for a long time.


	2. Silent Woes

With Eyes Skyward

Silent Woes

Qui-Gon took several seconds to check on his padawan through the bond while the representatives of the planet debated. When he accepted Obi-Wan as his padawan learner, he was not sure exactly what he was expecting, but he knew he was not expecting the boy to suddenly withdraw from everyone. Obi-Wan was, in many ways, completely different from Xanatos. Xanatos had attached himself to Qui-Gon almost immediately. He had trusted Qui-Gon from the start, had been open and affectionate, if not always respectful. The boy had such a loving personality, it was easy to love the child back. Even now, after his betrayal—

Obi-Wan, however, was so quiet now, Qui-Gon was not sure how to approach him. On one hand, he knew the boy carried many burdens from the past. Qui-Gon's initial reluctance to accept another padawan did much to hurt the child, and this second chance was obviously not enough to heal them. But while Qui-Gon knew that the first move would have to be his, he had no idea what it should be. He could never bring himself to be as affectionate and trusting of a padawan—not after Xanatos' betrayal. All that attention, time, the willingness to lay down all his love, his hopes, only to have them flung thanklessly back to him—never again would Qui-Gon subject himself to that. He remembered the hurt, the utter _agony_, and every time he looked at this new padawan he thought of how he felt like all his hopes and dreams had been torn to pieces.

But whatever his reservations due to Xanatos, Qui-Gon knew that this young one was not well. The boy almost seemed afraid to talk to him, and Qui-Gon was not sure how to fix this. Right now, his padawan stood behind him as the discussion continued, his Force presence meek and feeble. He was tempted to tell Obi-Wan to go upstairs and rest, for the boy was obviously tired, but he did not want to draw attention from others.

_What am I to do with this child?_ Not for the first time, Qui-Gon regretted taking Obi-Wan. Life would be so much simpler, without this boy in his life. True, Agri-Corps was hardly a desirable lifestyle for a Jedi, but it was less dangerous, and more importantly, Qui-Gon would not be faced with this dilemma.

_Such are selfish thoughts. _Qui-Gon told himself. What was done is done. Live in the moment, and right now, he had a problem. There was no use musing over what ifs. What if he had seen what Xanatos was becoming. What if he had a way to save his wayward padawan, a boy Qui-Gon grew to love like a son. What if he had not spoiled the child, the way others had warned him against. What if he had simply known better.

The discussions halted temporarily for recess, and the Jedi were invited to the lunch. Qui-Gon took the opportunity to check his padawan again. Obi-Wan was exhausted, and while the boy made the valiant effort to hide this fact, it showed in his features and his posture.

" Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said to the boy, " After the meal, you may go to our rooms and rest. There is no need for you to participate in these later talks—nothing will be decided today."

" Yes Master." The boy bowed his head. Had he been Xanatos, years earlier, Qui-Gon would have patted the boy's shoulder. But Obi-Wan was not Xanatos, and Xanatos was gone. He had forsaken Qui-Gon, and Qui-Gon could not bring himself to raise his hand for that familiar, paternal gesture. But for a moment, he had no idea what to do, so he just stared at the boy.

It was so strange, how despondent the boy seemed, even though his expression was impassive. It looked almost cold and aloof.

After a moment, Qui-Gon turned away from him.

Obi-Wan was hungry, but his appetite was poor. He sampled some of the dishes but could not bring himself to eat much. Very soon he was just sitting there, watching others eat. He listened to the native languages, interspersed with some accented Basic.

" Do you not like the food?"

The Prince was talking to him. Like the other members of his race, he was partially translucent, with large doe eyes. Obi-Wan could not tell if the other was displeased. However, he hurried scooped some more food onto his plate.

" No, no," Obi-Wan smiled, " The food is fine. I was just…thinking."

The Prince inhaled. " That is fine. I have bad days too." He then gave Obi-Wan a warm, amiable look. " I walk in the gardens to clear my head. Do you want to join me?"

Obi-Wan glanced at his master, before turning to the prince, " I have to ask my master first."

The prince nodded, and Obi-Wan turned to Qui-Gon, who was conversing with the other representatives. He waited until there was a break in the conversation and awkwardly called him. Qui-Gon turned to him.

" Master, may I accompany His Highness to the gardens?"

Qui-Gon did not have to consider this for very long. His padawan would be doing something productive, and it would also take the boy off his hands for a while. He nodded. " You may, Obi-Wan."

Obi-Wan withdrew from the table with the prince, and they exited the dining room.

During their walk, Obi-Wan learned that the Prince was four years older than him: seventeen, which was considered quite young for his species. He still had six more years before reaching his majority. He was actually the third prince—there were two before him and a sister, followed by a younger sister. As the youngest son, he had low aspirations of taking over his father's reign, and so such activities in diplomacy as today's did not interest him.

He was very intrigued by Obi-Wan, asking him about life in the temple, what it was like to live without parents. Obi-Wan allowed himself to think back to those days. The memories did not bring him the warmth he expected, nor the hurt he had feared. He felt quite aloof, and neutral to those happier times.

" We lived." He said. " We played when we had to. We studied and we learned. It was the only family I had ever known."

" Hm. Are you happy there?"

It was a strange question to ask, particularly of a stranger. Obi-Wan wondered what prompted the Prince to be so casual with him. There was something in his tone, despite the odd accent, that made him sound indulging.

" Whether I am happy is not important." Obi-Wan replied. " The life of a Jedi is not in pursuit of happiness."

The Prince tilted his head. " That is a lot to expect from one as young as yourself."

" What do you mean?"

" Ah, forgive me." The Prince chuckled. The sound he emitted was reminiscent of large bells. Rather than sharing the mirth, Obi-Wan found he was quite baffled by the sound. " That was not my place. I fear I have a nasty habit of jumping to conclusions, when I have no right to."

" That is alright." Obi-Wan smiled. " It is a flaw only the wisest share, and both of us have few years behind us."

" Wise words nonetheless!" The Prince laughed his bells again. He then asked, " How long were you studying with Master Jinn?"

Obi-Wan bit his lip. " Only a few weeks."

" Hm." The Prince nodded, as if he suddenly understood something.

The conversation broke off to topics of botany. The prince handed him a twig to stimulate an insect-eating plant, and a plant that could wilt to play dead when it senses movement.

" These two are unique to Elbatha." The Prince told him. " They only grow on this continent. Something about the air, perhaps, or the special composition of the soil, allows them to grow here and nowhere else. Many attempts by scientists were made to grow them in laboratories, but they can only be grown on the soils that lay across this land."

" This is amazing." Obi-Wan played with them again, watching as the second wilted under his touch. " They just die everywhere else?" The prince nodded.

They left the plants to walk to a group of flowers. As Obi-Wan went, he suddenly felt something seize in him. The Force swirled around him in warning. He grabbed the prince by the arm—a rude, but necessary gesture. The other turned to him in alarm.

Instinct prompted Obi-Wan to whip out his lightsaber and activate it in one smooth movement. Not a moment too soon—almost just as he raised it, he deflected a blaster bolt. It shot to the side, burning through some flowers. Obi-Wan instantly pushed the Prince behind him, his weapon at the ready. " Who is there?"

He stretched out his senses when there was no answer. There was someone hidden by the wall. Obi-Wan adjusted his position so that the Prince was guarded from that direction. " Show yourself!" He cried out.

A stream of blaster bolts was his reply. Obi-Wan's lightsaber skills were enough that he could deflect most of them, and those he did not were enough to the side that they missed both him and the Prince. " Get down!" Obi-Wan cried, and charged forward. The Force spun around him as he moved. _Calm. Jedi are calm, collected. _He felt nimble and fast, his movements guided by the Force in all its wisdom, yet controlled to fulfill the task at hand.

The palace security had arrived at the scene, and the sniper seemed to decide that enough was enough. He scoured the walls and disappeared. Obi-Wan stopped in his pursuit. He was still a padawan, and not skilled enough, nor confident enough, to continue the chase. The other guards raced past the young Jedi as Obi-Wan turned around.

" Are you alright?" He asked the Prince, wondering if his new friend had been struck.

" I am fine." The Prince looked slightly rattled, but unharmed. " My deepest thanks to you, Jedi."

" Call me Obi-Wan." The boy grinned. " That is good. I was afraid some of them got past me." He stated, referring to the blaster bolts. " I need to inform my master…"

The Prince nodded. " I will be alright." He then nodded to the guards as well, assuring them that he was fine. A few minutes later, Qui-Gon arrived.

" Master."

" Obi-Wan, what happened?"

Obi-Wan explained. " I did not get a good look at him." He said nervously. " And when he escaped, I did not pursue him."

His master brushed past to examine the wall, leaving Obi-Wan standing where he was, wondering if he had performed poorly somehow. It seemed like Qui-Gon was too preoccupied to comment on him, but the ambiguity troubled Obi-Wan. The boy desperately wished to know if he should have given chase after all, but his master was talking to the security, and there was no one to ask.

After standing despondently for a while, with everyone bustling with activity, Obi-Wan went to check on the Prince. The Prince, however, had gone inside the palace, and the Force stirred as the two nations began to quarrel, with Elbathans accusing the other of planning this attack. Things were starting to get heated, before his master interfered.

" There is no reason anyone involved in these negotiations would target a mere child." Said Qui-Gon, settling the dispute instantly. " The sniper is of an independent party. Of that, I am sure. If we work together, we can eliminate this threat." He turned to King Darbath. " Do you know of anyone in particular who would attempt to harm your son?"

" I rule Elbatha." The King was still furious over the incident. " There are plenty who would want to harm me, by targeting my children."

" Want to." Qui-Gon pointed out. " Dare to, on the other hand, limits the numbers. The sniper was skilled. Despite his doubtlessly hurried escape, he left little evidence behind. This is the work of a hired assassin, and not very common. Only those with wealth and power would utilize such means."

The King looked at the Queen in alarm.

Qui-Gon looked then at Obi-Wan. The older Jedi frowned at the small form. Obi-Wan was just a child, only thirteen standard years old. Even though he did manage to drive the assassin off, which secretly impressed the master a great deal, he did not like the thought of involving a boy so young in what was becoming a dangerous situation. " Obi-Wan," He said to the boy, " You will go to our rooms and remain there."

" Yes Master." Obi-Wan nodded automatically, but he felt his spirits dim. He had not performed well after all. Qui-Gon was sending him away. He barely noticed when the guards thanked him for saving the prince, and how they thanked his master for training such a wonderful apprentice. Qui-Gon had merely nodded and went on with business as usual. Obi-Wan withdrew from the garden.

The rooms were quiet in contrast to the commotion in the garden. Obi-Wan went to his room. He allowed himself a moment of disappointment, before squashing it down. Maybe up here, Obi-Wan was just safer. Perhaps his master simply wanted to protect him.

He suddenly wished he understood his master more. He wished he were a better padawan. He wished he had been worthy enough as an initiate to be accepted the first time around. The world around him seemed to go dark, and the boy sighed sadly. He sat down on the bed and prepared for a long, lonely wait for his master.


	3. Spirit of the Cave

With Eyes Skyward

Spirit of the Cave

Qui-Gon did not return to the rooms until night had fallen for many hours. He had expected the padawan to be asleep already, but it turned out, Obi-Wan was awake and waiting for him.

He was struck, not for the first time, how different Obi-Wan was from Xanatos. Xanatos would have been snoring by now, the sound vibrating along the walls. Shaking his head to rid his mind of the thought, he told the boy to go to bed, as the hour was late. The boy obeyed with the timidity that was not present before becoming Qui-Gon's padawan. It was odd, how Obi-Wan had been more sure of himself when he was with Agri-Corps than when he was with Qui-Gon.

Against his will, he found his mind drifting back to those days when Xanatos had accompanied him on missions. With a child filled with enthusiasm and eagerness to help, Qui-Gon had been the envy, it seemed of all other masters. He found himself reminiscing every quirk and habit the other boy had. His tendency to bit his lip whenever he was thinking. The way he hated early mornings, and would look so sleepy it pained Qui-Gon to wake him.

_I had spoiled him too much. _Qui-Gon thought. The only positive aspect of Obi-Wan's behavior was that Qui-Gon was in no danger of spoiling _him._ He felt no real desire to, really. No one could replace Xanatos.

_And no one should._

When the boy retreated to his room, Qui-Gon took his comm link and pressed the numbers to transmit to the Council. The negotiations were to continue despite the attempt earlier today, but he still had to report to the Council regarding the event, considering no one had anticipated the increased danger of attempted assassinations. His padawan had performed admirably, but the child had been on his own. Qui-Gon felt it was unwise to keep Obi-Wan here when someone was trying to kill members of the royal family. The boy would be safer on Coruscant, and he intended to have the boy flown back to the Temple.

Yoda and Mace appeared onscreen.

_" Greetings, Qui-Gon." _Mace said. _" How fares the mission?"_

" Negotiations are underway." Said Qui-Gon. " We did not progress beyond laying out the foundations of both nations' arguments, but I do not expect to today. However, the discussions were cut short by an assassination attempt on the King's youngest son."

The masters looked a little grim at this.

_" Attempt, you say." _Yoda murmured. " _Unsuccessful, then, it was."_

" Correct." Qui-Gon nodded. " My padawan was able to stop the attack, but we were not able to capture the sniper."

_" Will the negotiations continue, Qui-Gon?_" Mace asked.

" They will continue in the morning. Security has been increased, but the two nations seem willing to continue the discussion despite the incident."

_" Very well."_

" I would like to send my padawan back to Coruscant." Qui-Gon told the masters. " I do not feel comfortable keeping him here when the dangers of the mission have increased like this."

_" Mention, you did, that your padawan, it was, who stopped the assassin." _Yoda pointed out. _" Capable, he is then, of handling the situation."_

Qui-Gon clenched his teeth. " He is young." Said the Jedi. " I feel he would be much safer on Coruscant."

He was surprised when Yoda shook his head. The ancient Jedi was as protective of children as anyone could be, and Obi-Wan was definitely still a child. He had expected the Grand Master to agree with Qui-Gon's decision to send Obi-Wan home.

_" To protect him, this is not the way." _Yoda said gravely. _" Already weak, the bond is, between the two of you. Great enough, the danger is not, to warrant this. Approve of this, I do not."_

Qui-Gon was bemused. " Master Yoda, do you feel I overestimated the danger here?"

_" I sense you will need his help." _Mace told Qui-Gon.

_" Agree, I do."_

Qui-Gon folded his fingers. It was true. They were surrounded by palace security, and if he keeps Obi-Wan within the perimeters, the boy should come to no harm. However, " How would I need his help?" He had to ask.

_" That, deigned to reveal_, _the Force has not." _Yoda replied. _" But earnest, it is, that you keep your padawan close."_

This was interesting. Qui-Gon found himself nodding. " Very well. I will keep Obi-Wan close to me." It would allow him to keep an eye on the boy.

_" May the Force be with you, Qui-Gon." _Mace said to him.

" And with you." Qui-Gon shut the transmission.

The Jedi leaned back in his chair. He could keep Obi-Wan close at his side, at all times. The boy was quiet these days, and would not be much trouble. Still, he would feel much more at ease if the boy were at the Temple, protected from the dangers here.

_You cannot always protect him. _The teacher in him reminded. _You took him to be your padawan so that he would become a knight. As a knight, he will always be in danger. Obi-Wan needs to learn how to face this, how to protect himself, and he will never learn this if you keep doing it for him._

Once again, Qui-Gon wondered what prompted him to accept Obi-Wan. He remembered it had more to do with admiration than affection. Obi-Wan showed himself to be strong, intelligent, and brave, committed to doing what was right. He had thought it would be a shame to leave Obi-Wan to Agri-Corps, but it had not occurred to him how he would handle Obi-Wan personally. Someone had to train Obi-Wan, that was all Qui-Gon had known, and if there were any other masters around, Qui-Gon would have persuaded someone else to take the child. But Qui-Gon was the only one, and so he accepted the burden.

He silently prayed to the Force that Obi-Wan would be a fast learner. He had trained Xanatos for many years, and with Obi-Wan it would be no less. The thought of being responsible for this child for so long, coupled with the mighty task of having to keep his distance—the very idea wearied him beyond belief.

_The Jedi seeks not happiness, nor contentment. The Jedi seeks to bring balance to the Force, whatever the costs._

He thought wryly, that Obi-Wan, for all his determination to become a Jedi, would probably have been happier as a farmer after all.

Obi-Wan closed the door softly once the report was finished. Qui-Gon had wanted to send him away. He really must have performed badly earlier, but he could not fathom why. Maybe he should have pursued the assassin? But at the time, it really had seemed unwise. Though he thought he had accepted this already, it did not stop the dark wave of disappointment from choking him. He leaned against the door, motionless, and stared at the darkness cloaking his room. He listened to his master's movements outside. Deep hurt weighed on his heart, and he sank down to the carpet. He wiped at his eyes as tears welled up against his will and sniffled quietly. There was no reason to give his master more reasons to send him away.

His master eventually went to his room to retire for the night. Obi-Wan remained where he was on the carpet for a while, his mind wandering and yet not thinking about anything in particular. The Force was steady and slow around him. It did not offer any assurances. He did nothing for a while, before it occurred to him that he was not being a proper Jedi after all.

_Release into the Force._ He did so, and felt the hurt ease. The weight did not lift, but it he no longer felt like crying.

_Release into the Force._ He sighed as he let go. The numbness returned, and he embraced it. Calming, he looked around the room for a moment. The darkness was peaceful and soothing.

_Ahh…_ An alien sigh echoed through the Force. Obi-Wan tensed. What was that?

_Ahh…_

Obi-Wan rose to his feet, his senses alert. Where was it coming from? _Master?_

His master was asleep, though. Obi-Wan opened the door and started heading to his master's room. At the door, however, he stopped. He heard nothing in the Force now. The sighs have stopped.

_It might have been my imagination._ Obi-Wan concluded.

As he returned to his room, however, he heard it again. _Ahh… _It was a solemn sigh, filled with regret. Obi-Wan stopped and reached out to the source with his mind. He sensed the source tense as it was alerted to his presence, and all was silent.

The source did not feel like one of the natives. Its energies were muffled, as if something was covering it. Without really thinking, Obi-Wan took his padawan cloak and hooked his lightsaber to his belt. If he had paused to consider, he would have been scandalized by what he was doing. This was something a padawan should report to the master. He should not be wandering around on his own.

But Obi-Wan was tired and drawn to the energy, and before he knew it, he was slipping through the halls of the palace in the darkness. He headed out to the gardens. The source lie beyond. He scaled the wall that divided the gardens from the land around it. A forest loomed all around, the trees tall and thick. He moved forward cautiously, but strangely, he was not afraid.

At length, he paused. It was very dark, but he knew that he was passing a stack of boulders covering the side of a rocky hill. Within was a closed cave, he knew, though he was not certain how. Once again, something compelled him to remove one of the rocks, creating an opening big enough that the small boy could crawl through. He nearly fell down—the cave went underground, and as he landed he heard a loud splash of water. The sound echoed repeated throughout the cave, before silence once again fell.

Obi-Wan glanced upwards, but he could not see where the opening was. He reached up to feel his way.

_Why such sad sighs, Little Jedi?_ An alien voice broke into his thoughts. Its voice was musical and smooth, and seemed to echo, like the splash, throughout the cave, even though Obi-Wan did not hear it with his ears. With a start, the boy realized that the voice was echoing in the Force. It was how the being spoke.

" Who are you?" Obi-Wan called out. His voice sounded loud and harsh in the cave as it echoed almost endlessly.

There was a long pause, and he almost thought the voice was not going to speak again. But then, _The questioned becomes questioner, the hated become hater, the killed become killer. Art thou not the one entering hither? Or dost thou evade what thou knowest not?_

Obi-Wan felt a little abashed—the voice was right, he _had _been the one to intrude in the cave. " I am Obi-Wan Kenobi, Padawan learner." He answered. " I did not mean to intrude. I heard you sighing, and…you sounded sad."

An faint glow of light seemed to form several feet away from him, but the shape was not coherent. He sensed a certain amusement from the being.

_Rare be one who is compassion, rarer when one is sorrow both. Such sad sighs be not for one as young as thee, Little Jedi._

When the echoes died down, Obi-Wan called out, again, " Who are you? What do you want from me?"

The figure became even brighter. It looked vaguely humanoid, but it was too blurry to tell.

_Peace, Little Jedi. _The air around him seemed to lift, and the Force seemed to become lighter, more free. _Heavy burdens on thy heart. Thou hast known much loneliness._

Obi-Wan scowled. " I am not lonely." He defended. " I am always with people."

He realized that every time he spoke, the figure in front of him became more clear. Now it was assuming a feminine shape, still white and translucent, but definitely humanoid now. A soft, tender wave brushed against him. It was warm, soothing, and he stood, almost entranced, as the specter moved closer to him.

_Why such sad sighs, Little Jedi?_ The specter asked again. As it moved, he saw the light illuminating the walls of the cave.

Had Obi-Wan been able to think, he would have wondered why he suddenly felt the urge to confide in this strange being. As it was, he trustingly replied, " I wish I weren't…me."

The specter was almost solid now, as the echoes of his voice repeated in the cave. She was a beautiful human, Obi-Wan realized. She had almond shaped eyes framed with long lashes. Her eyebrows were thin yet very defined, giving her a shrewd look. She was clad in white, and wore a veil that covered her nose and mouth. Her eyes peered at him from her taller height, the gaze piercingly curious, despite their translucency.

_Sorrow be, _said she, _when one hateth oneself. Why such sorrow, Little Jedi?_

Obi-Wan ducked his head. " It's a long story." He told the specter. " I don't…really know how to explain it."

The numbness he felt earlier in his room had long gone. The crushing pain returned. He clenched his teeth as tears welled in his eyes and he willed them not to fall.

" I should go." Obi-Wan told the specter, his voice trembling. " My master might notice I am gone."

She had become completely solid now, though she was still glowing. Obi-Wan did not wonder what she was. He felt too miserable, too distracted.

She continued to look at him with her curious gaze, and all was silent save for Obi-Wan's soft, labored breathing. For a long time, this quiet lasted, neither one moving in the darkness that was illuminated only by the spirit's glowing form.

Then, soundlessly, she opened her arms out to him. A silent invitation.

The child stared for a while. The need for comfort made him step forward. He went in for the hug.

As her arms folded around him in a warm embrace, the boy shut his eyes, and all around became warmth and tenderness, things he barely recognized, things he could not remember being directed at him.

_Ah…_ sighed the spirit, and it echoed through the cave. Obi-Wan suddenly realized that it was _his _sigh, when he had been releasing his disappointment and pain into the Force. As soon as that thought took shape, however, it seemed to be wiped away.

He fell asleep in her arms.


	4. Considerate Gestures

With Eyes Skyward

Considerate Gestures

Obi-Wan seemed stronger the next morning. Something about his presence lightened. Perhaps he slept well the previous night, Qui-Gon mused. The boy was not happy, really, but he seemed to have more energy.

He was a bit unwilling to let his padawan go with the Prince again, much preferring to keep the boy close at his side. The King was rather perceptive of this hesitation, so when the Prince requested Obi-Wan's company, the father willingly intervened, telling his son that he had no doubt Padawan Kenobi had other tasks to attend to. The Prince was a bit disappointed, and Qui-Gon sensed Obi-Wan was too. He could not blame the boy. Qui-Gon was not engaging in any intriguing activity, and he, too, anticipated the boy to be bored out of his mind.

_It will have to do. _Qui-Gon thought. Obi-Wan needed to learn to deal with completing tasks that he considers dull.

The debates resumed that day. Qui-Gon found he had little to say, and his padawan stood behind him silently and impatiently, though he hid his anxiety well. What could trouble the boy so? Qui-Gon turned his head to whisper to the child.

" What is wrong, Obi-Wan?"

" Nothing."

It was not really a lie, but Qui-Gon sensed the child was hiding something.

" You seem in a hurry to leave."

" I'm sorry, Master."

Qui-Gon frowned. He had not desired an apology. " I'm more concerned with why you want to leave." He said to the boy. " The discussions have barely begun."

" I'm sorry, Master." The boy repeated. Qui-Gon felt, through his training bond, the boy's mood darken slightly. The boy was feeling ashamed.

This was not to be borne. Qui-Gon was hardly remonstrating the child. " Obi-Wan, I know this is very dull for you. If it weren't for yesterday, I would allow you to accompany the Third Prince, which would no doubt be much more interesting for you."

The boy bowed his head, becoming more despondent. Qui-Gon found himself wondering what in the galaxy was wrong with this child. He felt at a loss. Obi-Wan was definitely not like this before he became a padawan. What happened to this boy?

" You did well yesterday," He went on, puzzled, " But it would give me peace of mind to know you are here by my side. Do you understand?"

The boy looked stunned, which also shocked Qui-Gon. He had anticipated quiet acceptance, possibly even a bit of irritation. Not this.

_What is he so surprised about?_

" Did…did I really do well yesterday, Master?"

_That?_ Qui-Gon stared at his padawan blankly. Why would Obi-Wan be surprised about that? Of _course _he did well. Had Qui-Gon not told him—

_Oh. _The Jedi Master blinked to himself. He never did praise the boy, he remembered. At the time, he had been distracted by the chaos that resulted, and had dismissed his padawan to the rooms where it would be safer. Later, he also never remembered to compliment the boy, having been too preoccupied by the task of reporting to the Council and silently arranging for the little one to return to the safety of the Jedi Temple.

How many other times did he neglect to encourage the boy?

" You did very well, Obi-Wan." He said to the visibly bewildered child. " I am sorry if I neglected to tell you that."

Obi-Wan seemed speechless. Color then rose to his cheeks. Qui-Gon was strongly reminded of how Xanatos had reacted the first time he was praised. He remembered the deep pleasure welling on his face, the bright, young grin. Though Obi-Wan's expressions were much more controlled, there was no denying the quiet delight at the compliment.

Xanatos had been such a sweet child.

_No._ Qui-Gon frowned. _Xanatos is dead. _He turned away, feeling annoyed with himself for constantly allowing himself to reminisce on the past. Behind him, Obi-Wan lowered his eyes, his earlier joy vanishing at his master's stern expression. Somehow he had upset his master, but he had no idea how.

Once again, the talks continued until lunch, though today some progress had been made in that certain ideas were beginning to be set on the table. Qui-Gon heard rather than sensed his padawan's hunger before recess was called. He was certain the other officials heard it too, for they flashed him an amused smile. A part of him truly found it endearing, especially when Obi-Wan discretely clutched at his stomach in an attempt to muffle the noise.

But this, like everything Obi-Wan ever did, only reminded Qui-Gon of his last apprentice, and the crippling disappointment and _hurt. _He could not bring himself to smile back. He did, however, lean over to one of the officials to inquire how long it would be until recess. The answer was very satisfactory, and Qui-Gon leaned back in his seat.

Strangely, when it was finally lunchtime, Obi-Wan did not eat much. Considering Qui-Gon had been right next to him, the older Jedi knew the boy was definitely hungry at this point, but the padawan ate miserably little, staring despondently at his plate.

_What is wrong with him now?_ Qui-Gon wondered. He reached along their training bond to sense melancholy settle over the child. Something was bothering the boy.

As he studied his padawan, bemused, the boy's signature suddenly started to drain out. It did so rather slowly, and had Qui-Gon not been studying him, he would not have noticed. Qui-Gon blinked in surprise, noting that Obi-Wan's face had turned a shade paler, as the boy rubbed his eyes wearily. Alarmed, Qui-Gon reached forward and grabbed Obi-Wan's shoulder.

The draining ceased.

Obi-Wan glanced up at him, puzzled. " M-Master?"

Where did all that strength go? Qui-Gon's gaze locked with Obi-Wan's as he scanned mentally around them. It seemed like Obi-Wan's Force presence had been sucking out to nothingness, leaving no trace of where it went.

" What were you doing?" Qui-Gon asked. Maybe Obi-Wan was releasing his strength? It did not make sense, but it was the only explanation Qui-Gon could come up with.

The boy blinked owlishly. " M-Master?" He was very confused.

Qui-Gon realized he was squeezing Obi-Wan's shoulder a little in his anxiety. He let go. " Why are you not eating?" He asked.

Obi-Wan looked a bit lost. " Oh…"

But he did not move to touch his plate.

Is he ill? It would explain a lot…but there was nothing wrong that Qui-Gon could sense. Only a new exhaustion, brought on by the mysterious drain. Suddenly feeling nervous about his padawan, afraid that something was attacking him, Qui-Gon began erecting shields around the boy's presence. Obi-Wan sensed this, but was not sure what he was doing.

" You should eat." Qui-Gon said when he was done. There. The boy should be sufficiently protected now, and nothing was going to drain his Force signature…whatever it was.

" Yes Master." Obi-Wan ducked his head. Qui-Gon moved back to his own plate.

Obi-Wan was not sure why he suddenly felt so exhausted. He picked at the food without much appetite, though his stomach complained vehemently. He could not bear the thought of swallowing the stuff down, though they were actually quite delicious. His thoughts wandered to earlier that morning, when the spirit of the cave had woken him. Her figure had become slightly less corporeal due to the relative silence, and had only been sustained, he suspected, because of his breathing. She told him that the sun was rising, and Obi-Wan instantly knew he had to return, or someone would notice he was missing.

He was sad to leave her. He did not want to leave the warmth of her arms. He asked if she would still be there tonight, and she had murmured that she always will be there. He then asked her for her name, to which she replied, _" My name is Echo."_

She refused to answer when he asked exactly _what _she was, and from her strange phrases Obi-Wan guessed it required more explanation they had time for, but more than that, he suspected that she did not really want him to know. He knew she was not a life form, or at least was rather sure of it. Here, with his master, he also felt suspicious of her, without the influence of her sighs the previous night. Who was she? Why did she lure him to the cave? How had she heard his sigh in his room? What did she want with him? He supposed if she meant to harm him, she would have done so already. Obi-Wan had trusted her like a child that night. So far, nothing terrible came out of it, but he could not help but feel uneasy, and looking at his Master, he found he could not confide in Qui-Gon about her. He was not sure how to explain himself.

The Prince was not here—he would be eating his meals in his quarters, away from the public. There was no one to distract Obi-Wan from his troubled thoughts except himself. Uttering a sigh not unlike the ones he heard echoing in Echo's cave, Obi-Wan disposed of the remainder of his meal. As he was about to head out, his master suddenly loomed in front of him.

Qui-Gon was frowning. " You should have eaten more."

Obi-Wan blinked, his mouth running dry.

" Where are you going?"

Obi-Wan blinked. " To the gardens…" He wanted to fool around with the plant that moves and the plant that wilts.

His master frowned even more, looking displeased. " You will stay here." Said he. " You should not wander around alone."

Obi-Wan was too baffled to protest, not that he ever dared to with his master. " Yes, Master."

His master's eyes softened a little. " Have some more to eat. You were hungry earlier."

Obi-Wan blushed at the memory of how his stomach had spoken for him, despite propriety. " I'm sorry, Master."

Qui-Gon suddenly knelt in front of him. " Are you ill?" He asked, a bit concerned. " You do not seem sick, but you are acting like you are coming down with something."

The boy blinked. " I don't know, Master. I do not feel unwell."

_Not Xanatos._ Qui-Gon thought to himself. And yet, Obi-Wan was still a child, and his padawan, and it was ridiculous to force the boy to take care of himself like this when Qui-Gon had previously wanted to send the boy to safety. He rose. " Come." He said, deciding to take a little more care of his apprentice than he had been. " Let's fill another plate for you."

It struck Obi-Wan that his master had forgone his own lunch in order to serve some samples onto Obi-Wan's plate. He hardly knew what to say, especially when this time, Qui-Gon watched him to make sure he ate. The anxiety of pleasing his master overrode any discomfort he felt from swallowing the food. He was glad of it, in the end, for he no longer felt so tired.

Lunch was over, and Obi-Wan once again stood behind his master as the negotiations continued. The process was boring, but Obi-Wan actually preferred it this way. It meant things were not dissolving into chaos, that no one was openly shooting each other or trying to kill each other.

He wondered what Elbathans were doing about the assassin. So far, the subject had not been brought up by the officials or his master, though he sensed that security had been tightened, its members more alert. His legs were hurting from all the standing, and he released the pain to the Force as he had been trained. He shifted slightly from one leg to the other, alternating in order to relieve the pain from each leg. It did not do much, but he could not help the action. Qui-Gon turned his head to look at him from his peripheral vision, and Obi-Wan sheepishly stopped.

When the negotiations were over and it was dinnertime, Qui-Gon stopped off at his rooms and Obi-Wan followed him. His master looked through his messages as Obi-Wan gratefully sat down in a chair to rest his weary legs.

" Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon loathed to let the boy out of his sight, but the issue at hand was urgent. The boy turned to him, " How about you go down to dinner? I need to take care of some things."

" Will you be coming down later?" His padawan asked. " I can wait."

" No." Qui-Gon frowned. " I will likely not be joining them tonight. You may go, but do not leave the palace, and come straight back when you are done."

Obi-Wan nodded slowly, a little troubled at this turn of events. His master was not going to eat? He felt a little bad for going himself. But Qui-Gon then turned around and entered something on the keypad. The boy slowly moved past his master and out into the hall. He sensed his master latch on to his Force presence, as if keeping track of it.

Dinner was a bustling affair, like lunch. Thinking that his master must be hungrier than him, since his master actually had to pay attention to all the topics in the discussion all day, Obi-Wan grabbed a plate and looked around to see which dishes his master might favor. He had only been Qui-Gon's padawan for a few weeks and had no idea what the older Jedi might like.

" They are all good," A friendly official told him with a heavy accent. The light filtered through his skin, making him seem to glow.

" I know." Obi-Wan said. " I am just wondering which ones to choose to bring up to my master."

" You are a good child." The official remarked. " Well, why don't you give him a little of everything?"

Obi-Wan nodded. " I will. Thanks!"

Grabbing a utensil, he scooped some food onto one plate, before using another plate to balance a few cups of beverage and utensils for his Master to use, and inserted napkins under the plate so he could carry them all without dropping everything. Some amused servants helped him open the doors as Obi-Wan balanced the two plates in both hands and made his way out of the dining hall.

Qui-Gon was talking to the Council members again when Obi-Wan returned to their room. The boy stood at the doorway for a moment while Qui-Gon spoke. His Master broke off at one point to stare at Obi-Wan with a perplexed look. When it became apparent his master was not going to be finished anytime soon, Obi-Wan set the two plates down on the table, sliding the napkins out from under one and placing it on the table. Qui-Gon broke off again to stare at the plates as Obi-Wan backed away. Hopefully he did not bring the foods Qui-Gon disliked.

_" What of the bill?" _Master Windu's voice cracked over the transmission, diverting Qui-Gon's attention again. Obi-Wan used this opportunity to make his escape.

After the boy left the room, Qui-Gon managed to finish the rest of his report to the Council despite his complete surprise. After closing the transmission, he stared at the two plates his padawan had brought up for him. Something tugged at his heart, a piercing pain he could not comprehend at first.

His padawan had brought him dinner. It was a simple gesture. It was a trivial gesture, so small, it was hardly worth noting, really. Obi-Wan was almost a teenager. He was hardly ignorant of such consideration. But the fact remained that in all the years he had trained Xanatos, his former padawan had never done such a thing. Xanatos had always simply satisfied his own hunger and thought of no one else, not even Qui-Gon. The thought saddened him, so much so that he could not even touch the food now, even though he had actually been rather hungry when he first walked into the room.

Xanatos, a boy Qui-Gon had raised for years, had not cared for his master the way Obi-Wan, a boy Qui-Gon barely knew, had done.

_There was a darkness in him all along._ Qui-Gon thought sadly. _I just never saw it. I was a fool. If only I had known. I could have saved him. I could have…could have spared him._

_Fool._

He turned away from the dinner Obi-Wan had brought, determined for now to ignore it. Ignore what it signified to him, his failures of the past, his regrets, the festering wound that always bled, a little every day. Maybe one day it will bleed out and he would be no more.

He opened the datapads and began to work.


	5. Memories

With Eyes Skyward

Memories

Obi-Wan came back from dinner to find his Master still working on his datapad, the two plates Obi-Wan had laboriously brought back untouched. The padawan could not help the stab of pain that went through him. Maybe his master truly was not hungry. Maybe he would eat them later.

Or maybe he simply did not like any of the food Obi-Wan had been able to put on the plate.

Qui-Gon looked up and followed the boy's anxious gaze.

" Hello, Obi-Wan." He said in a gentlest tone Obi-Wan could ever recall hearing from him. " Thank you for bringing this to me—I did not get a chance to say this before."

Obi-Wan ducked his head. Qui-Gon, realizing he was disappointing his padawan, turned his body fully around. " Really," He insisted, despite his heavy heart, " I do appreciate it."

Obi-Wan did not look like he believed him. Qui-Gon could not really blame him. But the older Jedi did not know what to say to make things better. He took a fork-like utensil to eat a bite, but at this point, Obi-Wan knew it was just for show.

_Fine._ Obi-Wan thought, with a spike of anger. _I won't bring you dinner next time._ He instantly felt guilty for being angry. His master was busy, after all. Maybe he had simply been too preoccupied to eat. And did he not just thank Obi-Wan? Maybe his master was nervous too. Obi-Wan certainly had not felt like eating dinner. He had forced a few bites down, but did not get much past that before returning straight to their rooms, as Qui-Gon had ordered.

" Master, I am going to shower." Obi-Wan informed him. Qui-Gon nodded, eyes inscrutable. Obi-Wan turned uncomfortably away, heart heavy once again.

Qui-Gon sighed wearily, wishing he could make this young boy understand his inner struggles, that old scar from having love and lost and the ghosts of the past. _Live in the moment. _What a fine example he must be right now.

The comm beeped as the boy went into the refresher. Qui-Gon turned it on to see the face of his dear friend, Tahl.

" Tahl!" Qui-Gon raised his eyebrows. He was surprised by her call. " This is an unexpected pleasure."

_" Glad to see you still care for my company."_

" Tahl, the day I stop caring for your company is the day I get a lobotomy. How are you doing?"

_" Can't complain. How goes the mission?"_

" Lots of paperwork." Qui-Gon raised his datapad.

_" I heard there was an assassin involved."_

Qui-Gon's mood darkened. " News certainly travels fast."

_" Your padawan is unscathed?"_

Qui-Gon turned around to glanced at the refresher, where Obi-Wan was showering now. No doubt, news also traveled that Obi-Wan had been the one to drive the assassin off. " Tahl," he turned back, " Something strange happened earlier today."

She frowned. _" Did you tell the Council?"_

" No. Though I have a feeling I should have."

His friend scowled. _" Qui-Gon."_

Ignoring her reprimand, Qui-Gon went on, " My padawan's Force energy started to deplete earlier, for no fathomable reason."

_" What? I don't understand,"_

" They just started draining, but there was no source. They just went to nothingness. It was truly odd. It stopped when I grabbed his shoulder, and I put shields around him which hopefully should prevent such a thing from happening again." He shook his head. " And Obi-Wan has been quiet of late."

_" Well, you're not exactly all chuckles yourself."_ Tahl folded her arms. _" You did not even smile, when I first called." _Qui-Gon was at loss for words. _" Perhaps your padawan was picking up on your melancholy. For the last time, Jinn, you have got to pull yourself together and get over Xanatos."_

Only Tahl could get away with being so blunt with him. Still, Qui-Gon had to release his irritation into the Force before speaking. " I _am _pulling myself together. I _am _together. Xanatos is in the past, and I am a firm believer of being in the here and now."

_" Denial." _His friend said dryly. _" I wouldn't be surprised if you compare every single thing your apprentice does to Xanatos, even now."_

Qui-Gon could not refute that claim, and he rubbed his face with his hands in a gesture of weariness.

_" Qui-Gon, what happened with Xanatos could have happened to any of us."_

" It's not just that." Qui-Gon turned away. His mind flooded with memories, of all the birthdays, all the jokes, going on missions, heart to heart discussions, baring his soul, his past mistakes of youth, only to have it all end in— " I loved that boy, Tahl. I loved him even more than my first padawan. There is no way I can love another the way I loved him. The way I still do." He released a sigh.

Tahl was quiet for a while. _" Qui-Gon, that boy did not deserve your love."_ She said. _" But this child does. I sense it. And I know, on some level, you do too."_

Qui-Gon glanced back at the meal the boy had brought for him. " I know." He said quietly. " But…" He sighed, once again regretting his acceptance of Obi-Wan as his padawan, " I just don't have the heart to."

_" You are letting Xanatos kill you."_

" I cannot help it."

_" You're an idiot, Qui-Gon."_

" I know."

Tahl was silent again._ " Well, as long as you know." _She said, this time sympathetically. _" Your heart will learn. It will heal. You are strong, Qui-Gon. You always were. And you have a great padawan, one who was willing to die for you despite having no obligations toward you at the time. You are the envy of many here."_

Qui-Gon let out a mirthless laugh. If only Tahl knew how unenviable he felt.

Obi-Wan came out of the shower feeling restless. His master was currently talking to someone on the comm again. After some scrutiny, the boy realized it was Knight Tahl. They were discussing the current mission, and Obi-Wan glanced at the now cold plate. He felt his spirits sink. He had been trying to do something right, for once. Why does he keep messing things up?

With a morose sigh to himself, he retreated to his room, intending to meditate and let go of the feelings that clamped inside him. _Release to the Force. _He thought to himself. _Release, release, release to the Force. _He sighed as he let go of all the weary emotions, the insecurities, and allow the numbness to settle inside.

_Ahhhhh…_

Obi-Wan's eyes blinked open. Echo's sigh. He rose to his feet and stretched out his senses.

_Ahhhh…_

Puzzled, Obi-Wan opened the door and peered out. Qui-Gon was still talking to Tahl. He did not appear to have heard.

_She is linked to me somehow._ The boy realized, as he stretched his senses out. _Echo. Echo, hear me and answer._

_Little Jedi._

He felt the Force pulse around him. This time, his master did sense this, because he suddenly stopped talking.

_" What is it?"_ Tahl asked him.

His master looked up and then turned around to face Obi-Wan. He looked a bit surprised to see his padawan simply standing there.

" Obi-Wan?" He frowned in confusion. " Did you do that?"

Obi-Wan gave him a blank look. He had no idea. Maybe. Maybe it was Echo. He was not sure. He certainly did not mean to.

_" Qui-Gon?"_ Tahl asked from the comm link.

" I did not sense it again." Qui-Gon turned back to the comm link. " I think it was just a variation. Peculiar, however." He then turned to Obi-Wan. " You look tired, Obi-Wan. You should get some rest."

" Yes, Master." Obi-Wan obeyed, shutting the door and turning off the lights.

In the dark, he crawled into bed again and tried to relax under the covers.

_Ahhhh…_

Obi-Wan frowned. He shut his eyes to concentrate. _Echo._

_Little Jedi._

Frowning even more, he prodded, _Where are you? What are you doing?_

_I am all around thee, Obi-Wan._

Obi-Wan sat up at this revelation. He could not sense Echo. He only sensed the Force. Does this mean…

A faint impression of a chuckle answered him from around him. _Nay, fair padawan. The universe is filled with more than just the Force. There is what exists, and what exists not; what lives and what lives not, what is and what is not. Time connects what was, what is, and what will be, and forgotten wishes paint what could have been, would have been, should have been._

_I don't understand you at all._ Obi-Wan declared. _But if you are not the Force, than what are you? No living form, that is for sure._

_Dark are the origins of all things, young one._ Was the mysterious reply. _Dark, like thy bond with thy master._

_My master is not Dark. _Obi-Wan scowled. He was not entirely certain what she was saying, but he did not like what it implied. _He is among the greatest Jedi. He is noble and of the Light._

Despite the fact that the windows were shut, a wind blew through the room, lifting Obi-Wan's short padawan braid. He could sense energy focus itself onto a point in front of him, but when he looked with his eyes, he could not see anything. Not even the faintest glow.

He was not speaking, he realized, and there was no sound for her to materialize with. He knew how she worked, even if it bemused him.

_All life is born balanced. _Said the voice. _Thy master is no less. Dost thou know, little Jedi, his grief and fears?_

Obi-Wan was tempted to say that his master had no grief nor fears, that he was a great Jedi and Jedi did not fear anything. But even in his young mind he knew he would be lying. Everyone who knew Qui-Gon Jinn knew about his former padawan, how he had fallen to the Dark Side and turned his lightsaber on his own master. _He loves his former padawan._ The boy finally replied. _I know he thinks of him constantly, even when he does not say. He thinks I will end up just like him._

_And what thinkest thou? _Echo asked, her voice gentle like the breeze.

Obi-Wan lied back and rolled to the side, curling in on himself. _I know I won't turn._ Said the child. _I will learn to control my anger. And if there is the slightest chance that I will touch the Dark Side, I will kill myself first._

_Morbid words from one so young._ Echo sounded solemn. _Dost thou love thyself so little_?

Obi-Wan did not understand this question. _I have a duty to the galaxy._ He replied. _I will not turn, no matter what. _A sense of grim purpose fixed itself in his mind. He did not know whether it would ever come to that, but he knew he would uphold his promise to himself if it ever does.

_And it might._ Obi-Wan thought despairingly. No one had wanted him as a padawan, and Qui-Gon only accepted because…perhaps because Obi-Wan had saved his life, and he did it out of gratitude. But that was probably not very becoming of a Jedi, and his master, even now, might be regretting that decision. He thought of Qui-Gon's frown when he complimented Obi-Wan on his performance in the garden, how his master never touched the food Obi-Wan had brought especially for him.

_No one wanted me._ Obi-Wan thought sadly, forgetting that he had been using his thoughts to communicate with Echo and she therefore might be able to hear him. _They all said I could turn, because I was too angry. I worked so hard to control my anger._ A well of despair rose in him, pushing away the previous numbness and bringing tears to his eyes. Master Yoda's teaching, the warnings from other Jedi, Bruck Chun and his friends, Bandomeer and Qui-Gon. _I worked so hard and yet it was never enough._

A warmth settled over him, like caring arms. He felt a soft brush through his hair, the touch soothing, though it did not take away all of the pain in his heart. _Release into the Force._ He sighed, letting go of some of the pain, and heard the spirit echo.

_I want thee, fair Obi-Wan._ Echo murmured quietly, sending in the warmth of love and caring to him.

Obi-Wan gathered it all and pressed it to himself as his tears fell onto the pillow. He sensed Echo settle near him, though he still could not see her.

" Stay with me tonight?" He whispered. " Please?"

A dim light glowed in response near his bed. He received a wordless affirmation from the Force, and shut his eyes as the light lingered in the dark room.


	6. Confessions

With Eyes Skyward

Confessions

Despite the shields, Qui-Gon discovered, to his dismay, that his small young padawan seemed weaker the next day, his Force signature noticeably dimmer than the day before. The boy looked brighter, strangely enough, and even smiled more often as he meditated, something which baffled the older Jedi.

He called the Council, announcing his intentions to leave the planet as soon as possible.

" Since the assassin is more of a local matter," Qui-Gon told the masters, " I feel it is unnecessary to place my padawan in further danger."

The Council was not very pleased with the idea, however.

_" Did you sense any attack?"_ Asked Mace. _" Was there a similar case with yourself?"_

Qui-Gon frowned. " No." He replied. " That is why I am very concerned about my padawan's presence here. Perhaps his younger years and lesser experience left him vulnerable to whatever entity it was that drains his Force signature."

There had never been such an attack on Xanatos. Qui-Gon had no idea what to do. He needed to protect Obi-Wan, but how was he supposed to when he had no idea what was hurting him?

_" Think, I do,"_ Master Yoda, _" That talk to your padawan, you need."_

Qui-Gon frowned. He should have thought of that, but in all honesty, he had not.

And so during a recess, Qui-Gon pulled Obi-Wan to their rooms and sat him down for a talk.

" Obi-Wan," He said to the child, " Have you felt anything lately?"

Obi-Wan just stared at him, and Qui-Gon had no idea if the boy had been clueless, or was hiding something. There was no draining he could tell, but even so, he held Obi-Wan tightly by one hand when they returned back to the others, trying with all his might to figure out what was ailing the child.

The boy, confused, followed him speechlessly. It was not until they arrived once more at the conference room that Qui-Gon let go of his hand.

" Obi-Wan," The Jedi said to him gravely, " If you feel anything, any discomfort at all, I need you to tell me. Do you understand? Do not hesitate to inform me. I need to know."

" Yes, Master."

Qui-Gon found himself wishing that Obi-Wan would stop using that phrase. He used it so often, it was starting to frustrate him. It was not so much the words themselves, as the feeling behind the words—submissive, meek, _dull_, like Obi-Wan's head was full of air. When did Obi-Wan become…dumb? He certainly was not like this as an initiate. Back then, Obi-Wan had been an almost outspoken youngster, his entire countenance betraying how easily he is inclined to emotion. This closed faced child seemed lifeless and dimwitted.

Annoyed, Qui-Gon turned from him.

Obi-Wan sensed his mentor's irritation. He found himself thinking about the future. He had many years to look forward to as a padawan, and he thought of living those years with a master who did not care for him. He could not start crying in front of all these people—really, he was almost thirteen years old, and he seriously ought to have more dignity than that! Suppressing the tears welling in his eyes, he released a despondent sigh.

_Ahhhhh…_

Qui-Gon heard Obi-Wan. He also heard the echo in the Force. Stiffening, he snapped his head straight. The negotiations were becoming more relaxed, fortunately, and he had no need to follow it. He stretched his senses out to locate the source of the echo.

Obi-Wan, who did not know his master had also heard the echo, smiled a little, because the echo meant that the spirit was there with him. _Hello._

Echo did not reply. The boy did feel her energy surround him in warmth, and all of the sudden he felt much better about his prospects. So Qui-Gon did not like him. That is fine. Obi-Wan will still strive to be a great Jedi. His master still has to teach him, and he will learn all he can and more. There was time to prove himself, after all. Everyone has to start somewhere. Obi-Wan just started off on lower footing than most, that was all.

Qui-Gon felt his padawan's energy drain, yet again. He turned around and grabbed the child's shoulder so quickly it was more of a blow. Obi-Wan staggered a little in surprise. The warm feeling was gone, and his Force signature also stopped draining.

Qui-Gon stared at his padawan in confusion, while his padawan stared back in misery and fear.

The older Jedi excused himself and his padawan. They left the conference room and stood in the halls. Qui-Gon remained silent for a while, trying to figure out how to articulate his concerns, while the child gazed back, not sure what brought about his master's behavior.

" Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon finally began, " Is there something you are not telling me?"

His padawan looked terrified. Obi-Wan was at first so panicked he could not speak. Within seconds, his options flew through his mind. There was only one thing Obi-Wan had kept from his master, and that was Echo. But his instincts screamed at him to keep that secret. Echo was his one source of comfort in present days. He did not want to admit that he needed such comfort, needed her hugs. Not to a master who already disapproved of him as a padawan.

_What if he already knows?_

But Qui-Gon would not know. Obi-Wan was certain, especially considering everything logically. His past behavior, questions about whether Obi-Wan felt anything, sensed anything, felt discomfort, all suggest that he merely knew that something was going on, but not what. As to what would even lead his master to suspect _that_, Obi-Wan did not dare ponder. Qui-Gon Jinn was a formidable Jedi, powerful in his own right. No doubt he knew things Obi-Wan could only dream of at present. The man likely had his ways, even if he is not omniscient.

Why was his master asking all these questions anyway? It did not make any sense!

Qui-Gon mentally groaned. The question had been for his padawan's benefit, not as a reprimand. Force, how was he ever going to figure out what was going on with this boy if every time he says something, Obi-Wan takes it as a reproach?

" Yes or no?" Qui-Gon asked, his voice more stern now. Xanatos would have answered immediately. Was this boy a complete fool?

" I…" The child blinked. " I…don't know."

The answer left Qui-Gon completely baffled. He stared at his padawan for a moment longer before looking away. Obi-Wan had only been his apprentice for several weeks. Of course there were plenty of things the boy had not told him. The question was completely unfair, and it was no wonder Obi-Wan could not give him a straight answer.

Still, the Jedi felt uneasy. Something was hurting his padawan, and he had no idea what, or how. Feeling a spike of anger, he quickly released it into the Force.

With a sigh of his own, he gestured at Obi-Wan to go back into the conference room. Echo did not sigh in response.

Negotiations were finalized after several hours. The Prince wanted Obi-Wan to keep him company, which was out of the question, especially after Obi-Wan's Force signature drained again that day. He sensed the padawan's frustration as they ate lunch together. For once, the officials left Qui-Gon alone most of the time, allowing him to talk to his padawan without interruption. But it seemed that his years with Xanatos left him with nothing. He had no idea what to say to this child, how to explain why he was so protective all of the sudden, how he wished Obi-Wan had been a bit brighter and could simply tell him these things, the way Xanatos did.

It was Obi-Wan, however, who broke this silence between them. The boy realized, from his teacher's ever sinking mood, that hiding the truth would only make things worse. Qui-Gon knew something was going on. There was no changing that, no matter what Obi-Wan did.

" There is an entity around here." Obi-Wan spoke, his eyes lowering down to his plate to avoid his master's gaze. He sensed the older man turn to him in surprise.

" What entity?" Qui-Gon asked after a pause.

Obi-Wan tried to word it in a way that would not get him in trouble. " I think she gets power from sound."

Qui-Gon blinked. " She?"

Obi-Wan froze. " I think it's a she."

" You've encountered this entity." Came the stern conclusion.

" How else would I know she exists?" Though the words were snarky, Obi-Wan's voice was subdued and resigned.

Qui-Gon felt his anger rise, and quickly released it into the Force. " Why didn't you tell me this sooner?"

The young padawan suddenly covered his eyes. " I…didn't want to."

This time, his voice was more of a sob.

Qui-Gon set his utensil down in frustration. " You purposefully kept this from me. You _knew _this entity was dark. Do you _want _to be a Jedi?"

Obi-Wan stared at him in complete shock. " She's not dark!"

" Then why did you find it necessary to keep this a secret?"

Obi-Wan blinked, and his tears clung to his long eyelashes. " You were already disappointed in me. I didn't want to disappoint you more."

The boy was aware that some of the locals were watching this exchange, but it seemed his master was completely oblivious. Qui-Gon felt like the boy had just pierced his heart with a lightsaber. For once, there was absolutely no thought of Xanatos in his mind. He had no concrete idea what this all meant, but he knew for certain now, that Obi-Wan was not dumb by any means.

He _had _been disappointed. Disappointed in so many things. That Obi-Wan could not wash away his failures the way he had secretly hoped he would. That Obi-Wan was not as affectionate as Xanatos. That Qui-Gon could not be as affectionate as he had been with Xanatos. That he could not figure out Obi-Wan the way he could read Xanatos like a book. But in that moment, Qui-Gon was not thinking about Xanatos at all, or the reasons why he was disappointed—he just knew he had been, he had no right to be, and Obi-Wan knew.

This might well be how Obi-Wan was getting hurt.

" Did the entity hurt you?" Qui-Gon whispered, his heart beating fast in panic. Oh Force, had he failed his padawan already? Was Obi-Wan harmed under his nose? Did the child feel that admitting to the incident would lower his master's opinion of him?

But Obi-Wan was shaking his head earnestly. " No. She never hurt me."

" Did she frighten you then?" Qui-Gon asked, as this was another possibility. Perhaps Obi-Wan was ashamed that he had been afraid. In which case, Qui-Gon would have to explain to him exactly what it meant to be a Jedi, since the boy obviously did not understand—

" No. She was just there."

" Then why did you think I would be disappointed in you?" Qui-Gon demanded.

Obi-Wan stared blankly back. _This _he could not articulate, even if he wanted to. How was he to explain that Echo had comforted him? That he had been upset because of his master's multiple rejections? He cast his eyes down to the plate.

" Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon asked in a moment of clarity, " Did you do something wrong?"

He realized too late that this was not the most tactful way to ask, considering the boy's wariness of him already. But Obi-Wan's answer was truthful and immediate. " No."

_Hm. _That left: " Is she a friend you made here, Obi-Wan?"

A strangely miserable nod, though no verbal response.

Things were no less confusing, but at least Qui-Gon was on the right track now. " When did you meet her, Obi-Wan?"

A long hesitation. " The night before yesterday."

_Right before his energy started draining._

" How did you meet her?" Qui-Gon asked.

Another pause. " She echoed."

_What?_ If anything, this raised more question. " Is she one of the locals?"

" No."

" A human?"

" She…wasn't a life form, Master."

Fear, unabashed, leaped into Qui-Gon's heart. This answer, though impossible, explained all the strange phenomena he had encountered with Obi-Wan. Tentatively, he asked, " Then what is she?"

" I don't know." Obi-Wan looked miserably up at him. " All I know is, I have to talk, or there has to be sound, for her to materialize. Otherwise, she's just a voice in my head."

Panic settled in, and then Qui-Gon released it into the Force in order to think. He had to get Obi-Wan away from this planet. The child was getting hurt and there was nothing Qui-Gon could do except stay with him all the time in order to defend him. They would depart immediately for the temple. Since Qui-Gon was not hurt, no doubt a stronger, more experienced Jedi or Jedi team can come back and investigate this matter. But not Qui-Gon—not when his Obi-Wan was in the middle of all this.

He was then aware of his student's ever sinking spirits. He rested a hand on Obi-Wan's shoulder.

" Obi-Wan, you are not in trouble." _Not from me, at least. _" I am just worried about you."

Obi-Wan looked at him in confusion. " Why?"

It was then that Qui-Gon realized he never explained to his padawan why he was asking these questions in the first place. Tahl's words from last night echoed in his mind. He was letting Xanatos get in the way of his relationship with his new padawan. So much so that the basic things between a master and padawan had not been established nor executed. How was he supposed to expect Obi-Wan to trust him when he never tells this child anything?

" Your energies are being drained." Qui-Gon told him. " Do you not feel it?"

Obi-Wan shook his head, wide-eyed. " I don't! And it's not Echo!"

Qui-Gon did not ask who Echo was. He had a fair guess. " Nevertheless, it is happening. I am afraid something is hurting you. We will leave for Coruscant immediately. After you finish eating, we will go to our rooms to pack."

Obi-Wan's eyes were still wide. " But it's not Echo. It can't be Echo. She has never hurt me!"

Qui-Gon stared at this small child and for the first time, Obi-Wan's youth struck him to the core. Here was a young boy who had risked his own life to save Qui-Gon's, and yet he was not experienced enough, and did not have enough years behind him, to necessarily know the true evils of the world. Without realizing it, he raised his hand and rested it tenderly on the young cheek.

_She could have tricked him. Under your nose._ Qui-Gon thought. _Tricked the boy into keeping her a secret. And Obi-Wan, no matter how intelligent, would be vulnerable. Because he does not trust his own master. He is not yet thirteen. He still has much to learn about deceit, and the ways of strangers._

" I know you think so." Qui-Gon said gently. " And I do not know for sure, myself. But nevertheless, we are to return once the mission is complete, and it is." He suddenly realized where his hand was and took it off. " Finish eating and we will go pack."

Obi-Wan bowed his head. He had been stunned by Qui-Gon's gesture of affection, but at the brisk removal of his hand, the boy knew for certain that Qui-Gon had momentarily mistaken him for Xanatos. _He fears I would end up just like him,_ Obi-Wan thought, _And yet he constantly wishes I were him instead._ He felt his throat close up as he looked at the remaining dishes. Though no one was staring at them openly, he could feel the other diners focusing on the two Jedi.

Qui-Gon, noting that his padawan was not eating, waited for a few minutes before declaring, " Let's go, Obi-Wan."

Feeling reassured that he was taking his padawan to safety, Qui-Gon took Obi-Wan's small hand in his own as they headed back to the rooms. Obi-Wan felt the strength and power behind the grip, and wished despairingly that he had been Xanatos instead, who, despite his complete betrayal, was somehow able to earn such unconditional love and affection from this great master.


	7. Lingering Presence

With Eyes Skyward

Lingering Presence

" Obi-Wan!"

Obi-Wan's face split into a grin as he heard Bant run to him. She stopped in front of him and gave him a measured hug. " Obi-Wan! Are you feeling alright? You look like you're sick."

Behind the two children, Qui-Gon stood, frowning at her observation.

" I feel okay. Just tired from the trip." Obi-Wan said as he hugged her back.

Bant suddenly realized Qui-Gon was there. " Master Jinn." She bowed.

" Hello, Initiate Eerin." Qui-Gon raised his eyebrows. It was nice how this young Calamari could open his padawan after Obi-Wan had remained reserved and closed for so long. He had not seen Obi-Wan's wide smile in a long time.

It was good to be home. In the Jedi Temple, he could sense the Light side nurturing, healing, protecting, and he instantly felt at ease. During the hyperspace journey, he had half wondered if this Echo entity would follow them. Even if she did, he had no doubt the Temple would protect his young padawan as it had the others. With so many Knights and Masters about, after all, nothing Dark would ever dare intrude here.

His spirits the lightest they had been for a while, he patted Obi-Wan's shoulder. " Here." He said, taking Obi-Wan's backpack by the strap. Obi-Wan stared at him disbelievingly as Qui-Gon slid the strap off the young one's shoulder. " I will take the bags to our rooms. You can go with Bant for now. Just don't stay out too late."

It gave him a strange pleasure to allow his young padawan to…play. Who knows what twelve-year-olds do in their spare time these days, but he had confidence that Obi-Wan would not be up to any mischief. Seeing the child's face brighten with joy had felt like soothing rain after a hot summer day. Obi-Wan had been so morose these past weeks, it was a relief to see him happy for once.

Obi-Wan stared as his master disappeared from sight. Qui-Gon seemed to be in a lighter mood. Perhaps he was happy to be home as well. The boy turned to his friend.

" How did the mission go?" Bant asked.

" Well." Obi-Wan replied. " We did what we had to do, anyway." He thought of Echo and wondered if she wondered at all about him. What if the spirit is looking for him? He did not even get a chance to say goodbye.

" You look really tired." Bant noted. " You feel tired too. Were you sick?"

Obi-Wan frowned, thinking back to what Qui-Gon had said. " I don't know." He finally admitted. " Master said that something was draining my Force presence while we were in Elbatha. I didn't sense anything draining me, but now you are telling me that too."

" Your Force presence does seem dimmer." Bant told him. " Well, I guess you just need rest."

Obi-Wan nodded, frowning.

" Garen and Reeft would be so glad you are back. Come on, let's go see them." Bant took his hand with her webbed fingers. She proceeded to then drag him down the hall. Obi-Wan started gasping for breath. When did Bant end up running faster than he could? This was strange. The two children bowed a little at passing Knights, who looked after them in amusement.

By the time the two met the other youngsters, Obi-Wan was panting so hard he could barely do anything else. Bant, in her excitement, did not notice during their run. Concerned now, she knelt by him as Obi-Wan collapsed to his hands and knees.

_Why am I so tired?_

As Obi-Wan regained his breath, Bant asked, " Obi-Wan? Are you alright?"

" I am fine." Obi-Wan felt a wave of dizziness take over him.

" Maybe you should sit down."

That sounded like a wonderful idea. Garen helped Obi-Wan sit in his seat, and Obi-Wan bent over, head touching his knees. He felt so dizzy he was getting nauseous.

Beside him, his three friends glanced at one another, perplexed. Reeft silently separated from the group to find help. Bant sat down next to Obi-Wan on the bench, rubbing his back with her webbed hand.

_For Force's sake, release it into the Force! _He chided himself, but doing so only seemed to make it worse.

" I need to lie flat," He gasped out, when it all became too much. Bant shifted to give him room.

" It's going to be alright. Reeft's going to get help. Just take deep calming breaths."

" I can't release it." Obi-Wan tried to explain, but then could no longer speak. He felt his body break out into cold sweat, and there was an odd tingling in his teeth that somehow made it all worse. Dark spots danced before his eyes and he shut them, but they continued dancing, seeming to press into his eyeballs. He groaned and gasped for breath, wishing with his whole heart that it would go away–

_" We had an agreement." Said a white-clad woman, whose head was covered in a veil. Her head was turned away from him, so Obi-Wan could not see who she was. Her voice sounded like Echo's, but it was strong and solid, not the faint, incorporeal voice he had known at the cave. " I take one of your padawans, and in return, I won't destroy all of you."_

_It was odd. Echo had always spoken in a strange style, replacing " you" with " thou" and conjugating verbs strangely. This woman spoke normally. She turned around, and Obi-Wan discovered that while she had similar features to Echo, she was not the spirit after all._

_Next to her was a Jedi, from his bearings a Master. He was a Twi'lek, his color green, wearing a beige robe._

_" You cannot expect us to hand over one of our own." Said the Jedi. " We will fight you."_

_" You make it sound like I am going to eat the child." The woman laughed with true mirth. Then her tones became hard again. " If you did not like the conditions, you should not have agreed to it."_

_" You did not make them clear."_

_" Oh? How clear did I have to be? Gift me the young, and I shall leave Peace in peace. Or did you imagine I was trying to be poetic?"_

_Suddenly, a stream of white cloth shot out of her right sleeve and struck the Jedi into the wall. Obi-Wan gasped, but no one seemed to hear him. The Twi'lek groaned as he collided into the marble. Amazingly, the cloth held him aloft._

_" Hear me, Jedi!" The woman warned. " I have no interest in the welfare of the galaxy, nor that of your pathetic Order. The Force isn't some huge trash reservoir for you all to dump your hate and anger. What you give is what you get. If you want to keep those little midichlorians of yours, you will give me the child, or I promise you: you won't have children to give when I'm through with you."_

" Obi-Wan!"

Obi-Wan gasped as he came to. His head pounded and he felt woozy and ready to pass out again. It took him a minute to realize his master was there. Qui-Gon's hand was on his shoulder. He was kneeling by the bench. A healer was behind him.

" Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon frowned. " What happened?"

Obi-Wan blinked stupidly and wished he knew himself.

" Padawan Kenobi," Said the healer, gently shifting Qui-Gon to the side and taking his place, " Don't move. Are you in pain?"

" My head hurts."

" You passed out for a moment there, padawan. Does anywhere else hurt?"

Obi-Wan started to shake his head, but his head felt heavy. " No."

" Did you have a vision?"

Obi-Wan's eyes flickered up to his master's, before saying softly, " Yes."

" Can you tell me about it?"

The healer was inputting healing energies into Obi-Wan's temples, and the pain receded swiftly.

" There was a woman and a Jedi. He was a Twi'lek...I think he was a master. She was dressed in white. I don't think she was a Jedi, because she seemed to consider him a separate...entity? She wanted him to hand over a padawan and he said no, and then she slammed him into the wall with a sleeve."

" That is interesting." Said the healer after a moment's pause. " And the vision, was it clear or cloudy?"

" ...Pardon?"

" Were you able to see everyone's features clearly?"

" Oh yes. It was like I was there."

" Hm. So you weren't actually there?"

" I don't think so. I think I was just an observer."

His Master looked at him sternly. " Obi-Wan, did you recognize the woman?"

Was it Echo? Obi-Wan knew that was what his master wanted to know, but he honestly could not say for sure.

" She sounds familiar. Doesn't look familiar." There. His answer was ambiguous, but no more so than things actually were.

" His Force signature's depleted." Said the healer. " What happened on Elbatha?"

" I wish I knew." Said his master. " It's one reason why we returned so quickly."

" And you haven't–" The healer broke off, before the next words could paint Qui-Gon in a negligent light. " You'll need plenty of rest and food. It's likely that you had this episode due to exhaustion and stress. Coming to the temple would be just the release necessary for your body's complaints to catch up with you. Can you sit up?"

Obi-Wan found that he could. He was feeling much better, and blood rushed to his cheeks as he thought of how pathetic he must have seemed earlier. Now that he was well again, it seemed like he had made a big deal out of nothing.

" What about the vision?" Qui-Gon asked.

" Vision interpretation is not my forte. You'll have to ask Master Yoda." Said the healer. " You should take him to your quarters and let him rest. I don't think there is much need for meditation. He should call it in early."

" Alright."

" But I feel fine..." Obi-Wan broke off awkwardly. He wanted to spend some time with his friends and was disappointed to learn that instead he would be sleeping, but Qui-Gon's grave expression effectively silenced him.

" Elbatha was depleting his Force signature?" The healer went on to ask Qui-Gon.

" It was draining while we were there. It stops every time I come in contact with him, however, and I can't trace the source."

" I'll need to check with the archivist about that. I've never heard of such a thing. Force drainage, yes. Drainage that can't be detected? That defies all logic. Stick out your tongue, Padawan."

Obi-Wan reluctantly did so. He always felt very stupid when the healers ask him to do that. The healer studied his tongue with a frown.

" Hm." His tongue seemed to confirm something, for the healer went on to say, " Yes, that's that." Obi-Wan withdrew his tongue, glad that was over. " It's a good thing you got him back to Coruscant. He can't afford much more depletion. I'll go do some research to see what is going on."

Qui-Gon nodded, taking the boy by the shoulder and silently pushing him to stand. Obi-Wan did so, swaying a little when a short dizzy spell folded over his eyes, but it cleared away soon enough.

" We'll see you tomorrow, then." Bant said to him. " Feel better soon!"

" Glad you're back." Garen grinned.

Obi-Wan smiled back, grateful he had such great friends. Qui-Gon moved forward, taking his hand off the boy's shoulder as the master led them through the halls to their personal quarters.

oO

Yoda's hoverchair was making a constant clacking noise when Qui-Gon found him in the common rooms. A Jedi Knight was looking for the source, while the Grand Master stood to the side, watching.

" After all the technological innovations, still glitches, we have!" Yoda exclaimed in exasperation. " Not even a year old, this is!"

" You know what they say, Master Yoda." Said the knight, " Nothing's perfect."

" Hm! Some things should be!"

Qui-Gon could not repress the chuckle that statement incited. Though he was certain Yoda knew he was there, the little master still turned around as if just made aware of his presence.

" Ah, Qui-Gon. Returned, you have, I see. Want to ask you about Obi-Wan, I do."

" That is perfect." Qui-Gon could not resist replying. " That was what I wanted to talk to you about as well."

The hoverchair suddenly whirred, and the knight yelped. " Ow!"

" Oh. Careful. What's wrong with it?" Qui-Gon blinked.

" Stupid thing snapped at my fingers. I'm alright." Said the knight. " One of the belts got worn through. We'll have to replace it."

" Do what must be done." Yoda said impatiently. " Qui-Gon, come."

They went out to the gardens, leaving the knight to fix Yoda's hoverchair in the common room. It was getting late, so most of the Jedi were inside the temple constructs. Yoda led the way slowly to the bench where Obi-Wan had fainted earlier. Their journey was silent, with Qui-Gon wondering if he should speak, while Yoda appeared immersed in thought.

" Doing well, Obi-Wan is?" Yoda finally asked.

Qui-Gon was nonplussed, and a subtle tingling of worry settled in his heart at these words. " Well, I don't know. The healer said his Force signature had been depleted."

" Not talking about that, I was. Doing well as your padawan, is Obi-Wan?"

At this, the younger Jedi sighed heavily.

" We don't connect well." He admitted. " Sometimes I think he's a bit slow. Or maybe I am. I don't know. He's gotten shy lately, and very quiet. I don't know what to make of it."

" Shy because unapproachable, his master feels." Said Yoda. It was rare for the old Jedi to say things so bluntly. " Sense a danger, I do. Brought it with him, young Kenobi did."

Qui-Gon froze at this. It was Echo. He knew it. Echo was responsible for this. He opened his mouth to tell Yoda, but the master went on before he could start, " Time, it takes, to bond with one's padawan. Longer time, it will for you, unless see the good in him you do."

" I do see the good in him." Qui-Gon sighed. " I wouldn't have taken him as a padawan if I didn't."

" In your head, you do." Said Yoda. " In your heart, always thinking of your lost padawan."

This was exactly what Tahl had said. Qui-Gon wondered if the two of them had been having conversations about him when he was on the mission.

" Strange entity clings to Obi-Wan." Said Yoda, his eyes half-lidded in thought. " Good or evil, I cannot tell. Ancient, it is. Powerful, it is. Complex, it is. Dangerous, it is."

Fear, alien and unyielding, took hold of Qui-Gon's heart. He struggled to dispel it, but could not seem to do so. It simply kept feeding himself, the more he tried to release it into the force.

" Is it hurting Obi-Wan?" Of course it was hurting Obi-Wan. It was depleting his force signature and causing him to faint. " How do we remove?"

" More powerful than the Jedi, it is." Said Yoda gravely. " Remove it by force, we cannot. Sentient, it seems, so talk to it, we must. Talk to it, he must."

" He already does, I think." Qui-Gon then described what Obi-Wan had told him. " What perplexes me is that he doesn't seem to think this Echo is an evil entity."

" Evil, perhaps not. Harmful, still may be." Said the master, as he contemplated this information. " Or perhaps, requires our help, she does."

" You think Echo is asking for help by hurting Obi-Wan?"

" Speculations, all this is." Said Yoda. " More information, we need to learn. When returned to full strength, Obi-Wan is, information we must learn through him." The little Jedi looked up at Qui-Gon. " Dangerous, this being is. Powerful enough, it is, to destroy all of the Jedi at once. Tread carefully, we must."

Qui-Gon did not fight the fear that flooded him then, when he considered how close his padawan was to this being that could possibly erase the entire Order from existence.


	8. Finding Echo

With Eyes Skyward

Finding Echo

Obi-Wan's condition worsened considerably the next morning. His Force signature was wispy and scattered, he refused to wake, and his body burned with fever. Nothing Qui-Gon did alleviated the symptoms. He wasted no time in getting him to the healing wing.

"Is it some virus? Some parasite?" He asked the baffled healers, "I don't understand this."

The healers did not reply to him immediately, focusing instead on the little one, but one of them called to his padawan to bring a Force collar.

"What is that for?" Qui-Gon demanded.

"I sense," Said the healer, "The attack is coming from the Force. It's not a physical illness that is affecting his signature, it is something in the Force that is affecting his physical body. We'll try and see if cutting him from the Force improves him at all."

"Wouldn't that make him worse?"

"Same way drinking vile medicines would make you feel worse," Said the healer, "Our aim isn't necessarily to make your little one feel better—the priority is to cut off whatever is working its foul effects on him. After that, we will try and ease him back to the Force. The collar is obviously not a permanent solution, but if we don't do something, we may quickly run out of time."

_He could die._ Obi-Wan was actually dying right in front of him. The master stared at the small form. Obi-Wan's coloring was completely off, unhealthy blotches of red against pale, sallow skin, face relaxed less in rest than in complete weakness.

The padawan returned with the Force collar, handing it to the healer, who handed it to Qui-Gon.

"It might do him some good if you are the one," Said he, "Cutting off the Force is always a…disorienting process. He might be a little frightened unless you're there."

Qui-Gon took the collar wordlessly, thinking that Obi-Wan would be frightened even if he was there, because the child was afraid of _him._

"Thank you, healer."

Obi-Wan's body seemed almost corpse-like in its limp state. He smoothed the boy's hair back, his mind already imagining the soothing warmth of the Force pulling away from him. He shuddered himself as he slid the collar on and clicked the clasp shut. Obi-Wan shuddered violently, and his eyes snapped open as he gasped.

"Easy," Qui-Gon grabbed him, "Easy, easy, child."

"Ungh!" The boy gasped out, and then let out an even more pained moan, body shaking in agony. "M-Master—"

"It's alright," He tightened his embrace, "Hush now." He turned his head to the healer, eyes pleading. The boy grabbed onto him, fists clenching in his tunic, bunching up some of his hair along the way.

"Wh-What," Obi-Wan gasped, "Feels like—"

"It's alright, it's a collar," Qui-Gon murmured into his hair, "I know it feels terrible, but bear with me. Can you do anything?" He asked the healer.

"I can put him to sleep to ease the suffering," Said the healer, gesturing to the padawan.

"Thank you."

Obi-Wan let out a sob.

"Shh," Qui-Gon rubbed his back, "Focus on me. It's alright. I know it feels like you're dying, but you're very sick, and we're going to make you better."

The boy inhaled, then exhaled, trying to keep his composure. Qui-Gon pressed his face to the boy's feverish cheek, sheltering him when the healer came to inject sedatives and a strong anesthetic. Within seconds, the tightly-strung body in his arms eased.

"He should be out for a few hours," Said the healer, "Now we'll have to observe."

oO

"It's from the Force."

Obi-Wan would still feel like a miserable wreck, but an hour later his fever dropped to normal temperatures and his body lost the sickly look that struck such panic in Qui-Gon's heart. The healers looked grim at this, because it was always easier to deal with physical ailments. Still, at least the attack was external, and not some corruption on Obi-Wan's part.

Tahl handed him a datapad. "Master Yoda had me cross-reference files that had to do with Elbatha and some twi'lek Jedi. 'Woman in a white dress' did not really narrow down anything, nor did twi'lek Jedi, really, but Elbatha doesn't have that many files, only a few thousand over the last era."

Compared to some planets like Alderaan, this was indeed a modest number.

"I'm going to check and see what kind of Force ailments match Obi-Wan's," Tahl placed a hand on Qui-Gon's shoulder, "He'll get better. We'll get to the bottom of this, Qui."

Qui-Gon was already searching the files on the datapad. If he had to read every single one of them, he would. She hovered for a moment, before leaving him to his work.

Beside him, Obi-Wan slept.

Many files about Elbatha had to do with rogue Jedi who escaped to the planet when pursued by Jedi. A few had to do with the actual politics of the planet, though nothing substantial. He read through ten mission reports without any luck, and then glanced up at the boy.

_Echoed. She echoed._

He brought up the search function to scan for any version of the word "echo". This brought up several hundred files. He searched through them for clues, but most of them had to do with echoes of the Force when hunting for some rogue Jedi. His eyes were aching by the time he stopped skimming through them, and he felt no closer to the answer.

Tahl came back, bearing a tray of food.

"You need to eat," She said, placing the tray down before him. Qui-Gon was suddenly struck by the memory of Obi-Wan doing the same thing.

"No luck?" She asked, when he simply stared at the plate.

He shook his head.

She brought her own tray, and ate her meal in silence. The heart monitors beeped rhythmically.

"What kind of Force creatures are there?" He suddenly asked.

"…Many. Why?"

"I want to know what kind of Force entity requires sound to exist."

Tahl abandoned her meal for the moment. "I'll go check up on the archives and bring the results."

"You should finish eating first."

"That can wait," She insisted, already walking out.

It was a good hour before she returned.

"Here's a list of entities," She handed the datapad over, "I matched Force with 'sound'. There's…a lot."

Even with artificial intelligence, search functions were less than perfect. Qui-Gon accepted the datapad. "Thanks, Tahl."

"What are we looking for?" She brought out her own version as she went back to her now cold meal, "I can look with you."

"Something to do with 'Echo'," Said Qui-Gon.

He found it almost instantly.

_Padawan Log: Shtien Fals'Vieth, Date:—_

_Master Wabadth and I encountered a strange entity this morning when we were being led by our Miraluka guide. We were cutting through an ancient tunnel that the guide assured us was intact—I was afraid that its integrity had been compromised over the years and might come down on us. It turned out, however, there was another being residing within. We heard it when we were talking amongst ourselves, when it began echoing our sentences. The more sounds we made, the more corporeal this entity seemed to become. By the time the guide warned us to be quiet, it had become a dim white orb of light._

_It's supposedly some kind of imprint, a memory of an especially powerful being. The guide said that it use to be some kind of human female, or at least natives believed it was. Her name is unknown, but she was not a Jedi, and in her current form she draws upon the Force presences of the living in order to assume her natural form. To begin, she uses physical sound—sighs, groans, speech, and after the first few enunciations, she has enough strength to make her own sentences. It is possible to communicate with her, during which she slowly latches on to her contact's Force preference, eventually drawing away their spirit with the aim of remaining corporeal without sound. Once she latches onto someone, she can follow him all across the galaxy and continually drain them until they die. She had a preference for children, and in the tunnels we were able to find the long-dead bones of younglings that were lost before. Master Wabadth grew very nervous about this, even though I am hardly a child any longer. Fortunately, once we left the tunnels, it appeared that this entity did not follow us. We should log this being into the archives at the temple._

The log entry was at least five thousand years old, and the cave mentioned was on the planet of Katarr, an ancient Miraluka colony that had been annihilated by the Sith around four thousand years ago. The entity might be the same, or of the same species. Qui-Gon rubbed his face. He did not like what he was reading.

_Five thousand years ago, they did not have Force collars. _Could it be that easy? Maybe Obi-Wan had shirked her off. It would probably mean this Echo being was somewhere stranded on Coruscant, which was not a comforting thought. Still, if it was not leeching his padawan, he could at least work with that.

Assuming this was even the entity in question.

"Tahl," He called, "Do we have a list of logs from a Shtien Fals'Vieth?"

"That name doesn't sound familiar. Let me see," Tahl pressed a few buttons, "Knight Shtien Fals'Vieth. This one's old, we might not have all of them."

"He logged in an encounter into the archives on Katarr. Can you check?"

"Katarr…" Tahl paused. "Yes, there is one. He called it a 'Force Echoing Spirit'. Is this what you're looking for?"

Qui-Gon accepted the datapad she held out to him and read the file. It was more detailed and organized than the journal entry, but what especially caught his eye was the background section.

_A very likely origin of the Force Echoing Spirit is an ancient Force-sensitive female known as Anvalan. Several hundred years before the founding of the Galactic Republic, but after the initialization of the Jedi Order, members of the Jedi fell to the Dark Side. Other members of the Order chased these initial rogues throughout the galaxy, and during one of these pursuits, passed through Anvalan's territory._

_There are no records of where this territory lies, or what precisely convinced Anvalan to get involved. The conditions of her involvement seemed to include bequeathing an eligible student of the order to her training as her apprentice, separate from the Order's influence, in exchange for crushing what would eventually become the Sith Order. She was human, but she was an exceptionally powerful Force-user, and it was said that she could use the Force to not only destroy stars with her will alone, but also form them anew. Whether or not this was true, records did report that Anvalan led the Order to destroy the rogue Jedi, almost single-handedly destroying Dark Side users before they could mature._

_One record states that when this was done, Anvalan chose a young student to become her apprentice, but informed the Jedi of the time that this student was to embody the Dark Side they had just vanquished, because the Force and the galaxy requires some element of the Dark Side to remain balanced, or else it will perish. The relatively young Order had not finalized all the codes of conduct and practiced attachment at the time, and all were very fond of the young child she had selected. They did not wish to see Anvalan twist the youngling to the depraved forms of evil, and therefore refused to give her the child. Another record stated that Anvalan did not actually wish to train a student, but wanted to use a powerful Force-sensitive to transfer her life energy to, thereby taking over the student's body in order to extend her own life. A few records also stated that Anvalan did not fulfill her end of the bargain, leaving Korriban as a reservoir for the Dark Force, and tried to trick the Jedi into handing her a student. Whatever the case, for some reason, the Order was unable to fulfill their end of the bargain. Anvalan was furious, and initiated a new war between Jedi, from which the Sith would be born. She led the rogue Jedi to Korriban where they could hone their skills in the Dark Side, but before she could join them, the Jedi slew her and burned her body on a moon that no longer exists._

_It is unknown how this was discovered, but her ashes were found to have incredible properties. Depending on the person, once ingested, it was said to be able to revive the dead, corrupt the most virtuous of Ashla practitioners, cleanse the vilest of Sith, grant Force-sensitivity to non-Force-sensitives, and take away Force-sensitivity from Force-users. Regardless of whether this was true, it is known that soon afterwards, many attempted to steal from the urn that kept her body, and soon the ashes were scattered across the galaxy. Afterwards, reports of ghosts reached the ears of the Jedi from various planets, and Force-sensitive children began reporting an imaginary female friend, human, who grew more and more tangible with the echoes of sound. These were followed by more reports of children disappearing or falling ill and dying mysteriously. The reports eventually died down, but a few lingered, notably those that had to do with caves or locations with limited environmental disturbance. It is possible *note personal opinion* that this Force Echoing Spirit rose from the ashes of Anvalan, a remnant of her conscience that had been thwarted from claiming a Jedi padawan and was doomed to forever seek out a youngling for a use she no longer had._

"Again," Qui-Gon murmured, "No Force collars then."

"Hm?" Tahl looked up at him. "You got anything?"

He handed the datapad to her. "Obi-Wan mentioned someone who wanted the Jedi to hand over one of their own. She wanted a child, and the Jedi did not want to give her one. 'Gift me the young'…we know spirits and ghosts of the Sith who linger in their anger and hate. If she wanted to sustain the Dark Side, perhaps this is the same thing."

"Well, only if that record was true," Said Tahl, standing up, "I'm going to look up this Anvalan, though mind you, I don't really have much hope for it if she's that old. This is almost twenty-five thousand years ago. We're lucky this padawan did his research for us."

Qui-Gon turned to face Obi-Wan, who still slept. He placed his hand on the boy's wrist after Tahl left. He had a feeling the situation was still more complicated than they all thought.

oO

Obi-Wan woke again to the same sense of vertigo and malaise he felt when his master first placed the collar on him. His joints ached terribly, his mind felt numb, and he felt utterly and completely alone.

"Obi-Wan?"

It was strange to see his master without feeling him. Obi-Wan tried to speak, but his vocal cords refused to work.

"Don't try to talk," His master smoothed a warm hand over Obi-Wan's forehead, "Try to relax and stay calm."

Obi-Wan tried, he really did, but the collar felt stifling and his body refused to stop trembling.

"Something's wrong," Said his master, "He shouldn't be reacting so badly this far along."

"Let me see," Said the healer, materializing in front of Obi-Wan.

He was spinning, or the room was spinning—something was spinning, and not all at the same speeds. He felt stretched and drained and absolutely purged of all strength. The Force was empty and silent, even as he continued blindly and desperately to derive comfort from it.

"Padawan," His master was saying, "Padawan, remain calm. Focus on my voice. I am here. Do not try to touch the Force, it will not work. Padawan, listen to me. What is happening? Isn't he supposed to get better?"

"It's psychological," The healer's voice sounded distant. "I would recommend taking the collar off, if only briefly."

For a long, eternal moment, Obi-Wan was no longer aware of anything at all, but then like a wave of cool, soothing water, the Force washed over him and through him, cleansing away the nausea and the aches. He groaned in relief.

_Ah…_

At the sound, his master also jerked. The healer froze, and Obi-Wan panted loudly, feeling like he had been running for weeks nonstop. Another long sigh resonated in the Force.

His master hissed. "She's back. Put the collar back on."

_I would not do that, Master Jedi…_Though the lights were still on, the room seemed to darken. Obi-Wan felt his strength suck away from him as quickly as it had come back. He cried out, and his voice echoed ominously in the Force.

His master grabbed him, as if he could physically shelter him from the throat that was both around and within them.

"What do you want with my padawan?" He demanded loudly. Was that fear in his voice?

_Thy padawan? The child thou didst not want? _A low rumble of anger thundered through the Force. _I seek the lonely and abandoned, for I know what it is to be forsaken._ Darkness hovered in front of Obi-Wan's eyes. It was getting harder and harder to breathe…harder to summon the will—

"Please," His master cried out, "Please, you're killing him. Stop, please, for the love of the Force, stop!"

The training bond between him and his master flared to life, and all of the sudden Obi-Wan could feel his panic, his terror and desperation. He reached through, because for some reason his master was scared for him, and in the real world the arms around him were tight and suffocating.

_Ah…_ Echo's voice faded in the wake of his master's presence, _I kill him…sayeth his murderer…So little of the world thou knowest…so little, doth doom the little one…_

When Qui-Gon released him, Obi-Wan was astonished to find the man shaking in the remnants of his panic.

"Are you alright?" He asked Obi-Wan.

The boy could only nod.

"He has a fever again," Said the healer, "Whatever that was is leeching him again."

Before any of them could react, darkness covered Obi-Wan's mind, and he fell unconscious once more._  
_


	9. The Past Affects the Present

A/N: I was thinking this story was too angsty, but you guys convinced me! After a hiatus where I didn't know where to go with the story, I finally got to working on it. Hope it's not disappointing, the writer's block was a bit hard to lift, but I tried my best :) Thanks to all for your reviews, they make me very happy!

With Eyes Skyward

The Past Affects the Present

The healers assured Qui-Gon that the boy was just unconscious, and even though they did not put the collar on, his condition did not worsen past the mild fever. It was likely because Qui-Gon was shielding him, the healers said, and warned him not to stray too far from his padawan. The Force collar fizzed when they picked it up, broken despite all logic. They looked wordlessly at one another and seemed to silently agree not to fetch another one.

Obi-Wan was a Jedi initiate, and for all his temper and childish impulsiveness, he had been calmer than most children his age. Still, seeing the child so still looked so wrong. Only very sick children looked like this.

_I seek the lonely and abandoned, for I know what it is to be forsaken._

Yoda hovered in as Qui-Gon contemplated his student.

"How fares he?" Asked the Grand Master.

"Stable, supposedly," Qui-Gon turned to him, "Whatever that means."

"Hm. Weakened, his Force presence has."

"I don't know what to do," Qui-Gon sighed. "This Anvalan..." He looked at the elder Jedi, wondering if perhaps Yoda's nigh-millennium-long life had put him across circumstances like this. "It spoke, briefly, when Obi-Wan was awake. There doesn't seem to be a good way to reason with it."

Yoda reached out a hand to press on the sleeping boy's forehead. "Hard to say, it is," He murmured, "In this galaxy, many things, there are, and more still, we are finding. Sense, I do, that elsewhere, the answers lie."

"Elsewhere?" Qui-Gon asked.

"Hm," Yoda nodded grimly, "Beyond the Jedi Temple."

Qui-Gon blinked. "I cannot leave him here," He exclaimed.

"Then bring him, you must," Yoda moved back, "Or lose him, we all will."

OoO

Most of the work was being done by the other masters, making Qui-Gon feel inept, but then he could not leave Obi-Wan's side without the child's fever spiking so it was probably just as well. Obi-Wan sat in a hoverchair similar to Yoda's, watching the proceedings with a tired face. Tahl knelt near him to provide comfort that Qui-Gon was too anxious to give himself.

"It's going to be alright," She told him, "We will see to the bottom of this, whatever it takes."

Obi-Wan nodded, but Qui-Gon could tell the boy was not encouraged at all.

"None of this is your fault," Tahl told the boy seriously, "Alright?"

The boy nodded again.

The woman rose to move to Qui-Gon's other side as the child continued to stare despondently at the activity in front of him.

"What's wrong with you?" Tahl hissed under her breath, "You were a far wiser master with Xanatos."

"What are you talking about?"

"You need to take your own advice," She went on, "This whole situation wasn't Kenobi's fault, but I'll bet my head and neck that it's likely yours. Don't give me that look," She glared, "You think the boy would have been running off following echoing voices on his own if he felt comfortable enough to approach you in the middle of the night?"

Qui-Gon rubbed his face.

"Now I won't pretend that there's a simple solution to this, but I can be reasonably certain that keeping him at arm's length isn't going to help," She looked once again at Obi-Wan before glancing back at Qui-Gon. "If the boy dies this is your last chance, Jinn."

Qui-Gon sighed. "He's not going to die."

"No, but I know what you're thinking," She snapped, but was careful to keep her voice low, "You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself. Obi-Wan's not just the present, he's the future. You're letting Xanatos kill him." She released a sigh of frustration.

"Don't you think I know all this?" Qui-Gon exclaimed, equally annoyed.

"Your foolishness was tolerable when you weren't killing anyone, Qui," Tahl shook her head, but left his side.

One of the other Jedi Masters, Ki-Adi Mundi, headed toward him.

"The ship is ready," He told Qui-Gon, "You're to depart within fifteen minutes, and you have a half-hour window to enter hyperspace afterwards." He turned to Obi-Wan. "How are we doing, young one?"

Obi-Wan's eyes were curiously glassy as he looked up at the elder Jedi. He said nothing.

"We best get going," Qui-Gon murmured, moving a hand to feel the boy's forehead. Slightly on the warm side, but not very hot.

"Best get him on the ship," Said Ki-Adi, "Get him settled."

Behind him, Yoda watched silently. Obi-Wan lowered his eyes, avoiding everyone's gaze. Qui-Gon watched him for a moment in concern, but if the two of them were to talk at all, it was best done on the ship, away from everyone else.

"Come," He pushed the hoverchair, "We better board."

OoO

Obi-Wan dreamed.

He saw the white-clad lady, Anvalan, except she was in a dark room, sitting on a jade bed. Around her were glowing crystals, and she seemed to be meditating.

_"I know you are there," _She said without opening her eyes, _"And I know what you are thinking."_

Obi-Wan wondered at first if she was talking to him, but it turned out there was a figure standing behind the crystals, who stepped out at her beckoning. It was a Jedi, a tall Miraluka whose eye sockets were hidden behind a headdress that extended over his forehead. His hood was up, and he swept his robes forward as he approached.

_"Many years have I been here," _Anvalan stated, still not looking at her visitor, _"Yet you are the first to come here. I had wondered when you will arrive."_

_"I come on behalf of my order," _Said the Jedi, _"We need your help, fair one."_

_"Of course you do. When mortals seek to wield the power that is the Force, trouble is inevitable," _Anvalan finally opened her eyes to look at him. _"Power requires great wisdom to use."_

The Jedi bowed his head a little. _"The Dark Ones rise," _He told her, _"We were founded with the intention of maintaining peace and harmony in the galaxy, but the same weapons we use to preserve can also be used to destroy."_

_"Such is the way of all things. It will always be thus.__"_

_"If chaos takes the galaxy, your haven here will be affected too."_

Anvalan's expression became distinctly condescending. _"You think you know so much about the galaxy," _She raised her hand, and a crystal, pulsing and blood-red, floated to her hand, _"There are many parts of the galaxy, and many forms of life, many powers beyond what you call the Force, and many entities that are neither living nor dead. What proof do you have, that anything that extends beyond this place should affect it?"_

_"A rogue has come by your place already, and with her brought me."_

_"Ah, but you only came because I allowed you to," _Anvalan hovered the stone in front of her, gazing into it, _"As did the rogue. This is not a place that one can find by simply seeking." _She turned to him. _"I will tell you what I told her. If you wish for my aid__, or indeed, the aid of those like me, there is a price to pay.__"_

The Jedi frowned a little. _"How would I know that she has not already paid her price and bought your services?"_

_"That is simple,"_ Said Anvalan, _"I have no need to double-cross. The only reason either of you were able to make your way here is because I have one desire, and once that is fulfilled, all welcome shall be withdrawn. As it is," _She paused, _"You are in a better position to pay than she."_

"Obi-Wan?"

Master Qui-Gon's face was very blurry, and Obi-Wan blinked rapidly to clear his vision. His master looked worried.

"M-Master?" Obi-Wan shifted weakly. Why was he so tired?

"We're in hyperspace. How are you feeling?"

He felt like he could sleep forever, and even as he thought, his eyes fell closed. A warm weight on his arm roused him again.

"Padawan, I want you to try to eat something. Do you think you can do that for me?"

_Eat?_ Obi-Wan was not very hungry.

"Please, Padawan."

_Leave me alone._ He was so tired. He did not even want to be a good padawan anymore, he just wanted to sleep in peace. Why did Master Qui-Gon care anyway? None of this matters in the end. It was not like Master Qui-Gon would ever be pleased, or satisfied; he was always going to be disappointed, so why bother trying? Still, he tried to sit up, but his mind slipped away as if he were attempting to climb a glass hill.

_"It must be lonely, living here," _Said a young boy, looking around at the glowing crystals, _"Dost thou live here all alone?"_

Anvalan gazed into the distant caverns, the glowing crystals obscured by shadows. _"Yes," _She said quietly. _"Here, the universe is my companion."_

_"'Tis dark," _Said the boy, _"The crystals only giveth so much light."_

_"The light we see can only be so bright, and can blind us from the Truth. The light inside," _The white-clad woman looked at him, _"Feels no limits of the physical world, and does not blind, for it is Truth itself."_

The boy looked at her despondently, before fading.

"Obi-Wan?"

Obi-Wan blinked. Had he fallen asleep? He had not realized. There was a bowl of steaming broth on a tray balanced on a stool. His master was kneeling by the bed.

The man shook his head. "Why have you gotten so feeble?"

"'M sorry."

"Don't be absurd, it's not your fault, child. Come on, let's see if we can get some food in you."

_"There is a boy, a boy I seek, whose name I do not know. He is a child of the Force, like you, and perhaps the Order claims him. I want him, that is all. That is my price. Bring me this child, and I will aid you against the darkness and ensure the Light prevails for all time."_

"Come on, Padawan," Master Qui-Gon broke into the murmured words, "Sit up."

Obi-Wan did so, feeling exhausted, but he accepted the spoonfuls of broth, his mind still half-dreaming and completely forgetting the prior protests. A large hand covered his forehead between swallows.

"Your fever is nowhere near high enough to make you delirious," His master murmured, baffled. "What are you seeing?"

"Hm," Obi-Wan did not have the strength to answer.

A young woman stepped to Anvalan with a cloak.

_"I know you claim to be impervious to temperature," _Said the woman with a bright smile, _"But humor me. I feel chilly just looking at you."_

_"You are a compassionate one," _Anvalan sighed, letting the other wrap a cloak around her, _"Hard to believe you are a Jedi."_

_"Now, do not go insulting my Order," _The woman smiled a little sadly, _"We do not all succeed in achieving our values, but at least we make the effort."_

_"True." _Anvalan looked at her sadly.

_"You have been looking at me like that ever since you saw me," _The woman exclaimed.

_"What?"_

_"You cannot fool me, White One._" The woman adjusted the cloak so it spread better on Anvalan's shoulders. Covering her white robes, the cape looked very drab. _"You have this sad look in your eyes, as if you see a dark future ahead for me. I will not survive this battle, will I?"_

Anvalan was silent.

_"'Tis fine," _Said the woman, stepping back, _"We do not get to choose our deaths. That is the way of the Force. We come to the galaxy when we are needed and when we are not we are disposed of."_

_"It is not disposal," _Anvalan reached out, _"I would just miss you. Few mortals have I encountered whom I see such value. The galaxy will be a darker place without you."_

_"Ah, the galaxy is dark all around, save for a few bright points," _The woman laughed, completely at ease with what amounted to her death sentence. Obi-Wan could see why Anvalan liked her so much, _"And when one winks out there is another to fill in. That child the Council promised you will brighten your years so much you will quite wish him gone, I think, especially when he hits his teens."_

Anvalan laughed at this.

_"Why do you want him so much?" _The woman asked. _"I know that you long for a child, but you are very particular in this case."_

Anvalan turned away. _"I saw him once, when he reached out. He is a bright soul, incorruptible, but those around him," _She shook her head, _"He has a master who neglects him, might even abuse him. I wish to spare him this fate."_

_"Oh?" _The woman frowned. _"'Twould be simpler, to simply warn the Council. We do not practice neglecting our young, this you ought to know."_

_"No, but neither do you encourage attachments," _Anvalan pointed out, _"And the wounds inflicted require those to heal. At this point, any warning will be of little use, as is warning you."_ The woman smiled a little at this._ "Far better to pull him out completely, and rewrite his destiny into one of hopefully brighter days."_

_"Quite a conflict, you are," _Said the woman, _"You who maintain that Light and Dark each have their place, but even you, the powerful Anvalan, err towards light, no?"_

Anvalan smiled. _"Light and Dark each have their place, but I never said _I_ was neutral."_

Then there was some kind of alarm, and the room they were standing it flickered with many colored lights.

_"Destiny beckons,"_ The woman smiled, and the two grasped each other briefly before the Jedi slipped away, leaving Anvalan to gaze sadly after.

OoO

When Xanatos got sick, he complained a lot. He would make a fuss, whine or pout, and ultimately never relent until he got what he wanted, whether it was a tissue box that was slightly out of reach or some kind of soup or food that would make him feel better.

Obi-Wan was quiet even on the Monument when they were on their way to Bandomeer, primarily wondering why Qui-Gon was there, and otherwise just accepting of the care that was offered, possibly even a bit discomfited, really. He was quiet now, and it was a bit striking how different he was from Xanatos. Xanatos was always demanding attention, demanding care. Obi-Wan just withdrew into himself, and it pained Qui-Gon. He did not exactly appreciate all the whining from his former student, but at least Xanatos had trusted him enough to annoy him. Children should not just silently suffer on their own. It looked too much like abandonment, neglect.

He wanted to talk. He wanted to talk to Obi-Wan, about everything, their relationship as master and apprentice and exactly what that entails—Qui-Gon was certainly not going to baby Obi-Wan, but there had to be lines drawn and they never were, partially because Qui-Gon had not known where to put them himself. He still did not. Meanwhile, Obi-Wan was too tired to even eat, let alone have a discussion with his master about how things were going.

It was clear though, that the lines had to be different from what they should have been for Xanatos. Obi-Wan was…_not _Xanatos. He was not really Feemor either. Xanatos had been self-absorbed, Feemor had been mediocre and satisfied with being average. Obi-Wan had gone from doing very well in his initiate days to being an almost-reject. It was a powerful blow that would likely never be remedied, but it did need to be balanced, somewhat, just as Xanatos' excellence had to be balanced by humility Qui-Gon never gave him the opportunity to learn.

_He's going to give up on you,_ Xanatos sang cheerfully, _And why not? His life is forfeit. It's either you or the farm, and you are always in your own little world. Hopeless hopeless hopeless._

Surely not. Obi-Wan was too young to have such dire thoughts.

_How do you think he found Echo?_

Qui-Gon paused.

_Wait._

How _did _Obi-Wan find Echo? Tahl had been glaring scathingly at him in the hangar, but one of her remarks stood out to him. Was it true that the boy sought for her on his own because he was afraid of Qui-Gon? And what, precisely, was Echo echoing? Obi-Wan had said he had to speak, and she would somehow materialize due to sound…what was Obi-Wan saying, and who was he speaking to?

There was one time…the master searched in his memory. He was speaking to Tahl…over the comm. The Force pulsed, and he had turned around to see his padawan at the door, staring at him. Obi-Wan had looked confused when Qui-Gon asked if the boy had done that, but what was the child doing at the door? He had been staring at Qui-Gon…was he trying to get his attention?

_Force confound it all,_ He wished Obi-Wan would just be forthcoming like a normal child. All this guesswork, he was no mind-reader, he could not tell what the boy wanted if the brat did not _ask! _Since when was asking questions suddenly something so insurmountable for the boy? He certainly never seemed to have that issue before becoming Qui-Gon's padawan, from disobeying his orders to outright defiance. A simple question should not have been so difficult.

_Why would he ask you, Master mine?_ Xanatos chuckled nastily, _The first thing he asked you for was so hard to obtain that he had to offer his life for you to give it. How many lives can one boy risk, to ask for more things from you? He's never asking for anything ever again._

Qui-Gon rubbed his nose in dismay as he watched the now sleeping child. Obi-Wan was so young, too young to even go on three quarters of the missions Jedi were sent on. The bowl of broth sat on the stool, cooling, most of its contents intact.

_He's never asking for anything ever again._

When Xanatos was sick, he complained a lot.

It was a bit of a shock to realize Obi-Wan will never complain, and it was all his fault.


End file.
